Gay Penguins Need Our Help

January 22nd, 2009 // 9 Comments

No, we don’t mean Tom Cruise or Wentworth Miller in a tux. The Bremerhaven Zoo in Germany has discovered that three penguin couples have turned out to be all male. Yes, there are gay penguins. Thinking that perhaps they would grow out of this phase, or there wasn’t enough female penguin ass to go ’round, zookeepers planned to introduce some new female penguins into the gayborhood to jump start some reproduction.

Not so fast, a local gay group said, and protested “the organized and forced harassment through female seductresses” that the zoo was planning. Yes, they protested gay penguins’ right to stay with their own sex.

Yep.

And it worked! “Everyone can live here as they please,” the zoo director stated and announced that the female ex-gay ministry penguins would be going elsewhere. Perhaps to Jake Gyllenhaal‘s house. Reese wants them there.


No, we don’t mean Tom Cruise or Wentworth Miller
in a tux. The Bremerhaven Zoo in Germany has discovered that three
penguin couples have turned out to be all male. Yes, there are gay
penguins. Thinking that perhaps they would grow out of this phase, or
there wasn’t enough female penguin ass to go ’round, zookeepers planned
to introduce some new female penguins into the gayborhood to jump start
some reproduction.Not so fast, a local gay group said, and protested
“the organized and forced harassment through female seductresses” that
the zoo was planning. Yes, they protested gay penguins’ right to stay
with their own sex. Yep.And it worked! “Everyone can
live here as they please,” the zoo director stated and announced that
the female ex-gay ministry penguins would be going elsewhere. Perhaps
to Jake Gyllenhaal‘s house. Reese wants them there.

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Fed up

    What the fuck has Jake ever done to you (apart from playing a gay character) that you just make fun of him.
    Morons.

  2. stolidog

    uh oh, someone’s crushin’ hard…

    love the penguins on the beach pic.

  3. Dana

    Reese is Jake’s beard so he looks straight and Jake is Reese’s “boyfriend after Ryan left her for a younger woman” so she doesn’t look like a pathetic Aniston.

    And “Fed Up” theres nothing insulting with being gay.

    Penguins are cute! I agree let them live the way they want.

  4. Amanda

    And why’d you make fun of Wentworth Miller! He is not gay!

  5. Luke

    Yeah don’t make fun of my boyfriend, Wenty. He looks damn hot in a tux. Out of one, too.

  6. Gillian

    You are aware of the fact that what you have written here is slander, are you not?

  7. SONOMONO

    Why do you all presume that Wentworth is gay.One day you will all know that he is as straight as anything you can’t bend out of shape. As for Tom Cruise, the same applies. He has got a wife and kids. What makes you say that he is gay? You gays just wish that all the best looking people in the world were gay so you would have a chance of getting some action with them. Just fantasize.

  8. Nicky

    Tom Cruise one of the best looking people? Hmm…

  9. Nicky

    Tom Cruise one of the best looking people? Hmm…

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