‘Game Of Thrones’ Season Two Finale Recap: Writers Forego The Boobs & Bring Out The Badass
Tyrion may have saved King’s Landing, but no one is giving him credit. He wakes to a messed up face, a demotion from his post as the King’s Hand, and more threats from his sister. Now Cersei and Tywin Lannister are running the show and Tyrion is back to being the little brother. Now that Cersei is basically in charge, she decides to help Joffrey make another messed up decision.
She advises him to drop Sansa from his betrothal and take on Margery Tyrell as his wife now that Renly has been choked out by Melisandre’s dementor baby. Sansa isn’t sad at all. Loras is praised. Tywin is made hand of the king and that sleaze bag Baelish is given the entire realm of Harrenhal. Petyr does tell Sansa to leave and offers to help her, mostly because he has a thing for her mother Catelyn. But Baelish can never be trusted and Sansa is hesitant.
Varys brings Shae to Tyrion and she offers to help him leave the city, but he admits that he finally feels purpose and will stay even though he will be undervalued. Assuming Shae will leave, he prepares for their last goodbye. But Shae removes his bandages and vows to be his forever. Varys also made a deal with Baelish’s head mistress about a shady business deal.
Brienne and Jaime come ashore to find three women hanging by nooses, killed for sleeping with Lannisters. Jaime asks her if she serves the Starks and she says no. Three men approach and laugh at Brienne when they realize she is a woman. They brag about killing the women they slept with and one of the men recognizes Jaime. When they try to attack, Brienne pulls out her badass ninja warrior skills and slays them all in front of Jaime. Then she cuts down the bodies of the women. Something tells me that Jaime is going to respect Brienne much more after this incident.
Catelyn tries to convince Rob to honor his betrothal to Lord Frey’s daughter, saying that her marriage to Eddard Stark wasn’t that great until they have spent years together. Rob does not heed his mother’s advice and marries Talisa the medicine woman in a private ceremony.
At Winterfell, Maester Luwin tries to advise Theon to escape from the 500 men outside waiting to strike. Luwin tells him to join the Night’s Watch, which will forgive his sins and restore his honor. He also tells Theon that he is not the man he has been pretending to be. This inspires Theon to give a speech to his troops to get them to fight to their deaths, but it turns out that Dagmer and the men were playing poor Theon all along. They knock him out to take him back to his father and sister in shame. Then they stab Maester Luwin.
Osha who has been protecting Bran and his little brother, emerges with the boys after Winterfell is abandoned. The ruins are disturbing to the boys, but not as much as finding Maester Luwin leaning against a tree looking as white as a ghost from his fatal stab wound. He tells them to escape and thanks them for being in his life. Luwin apparently helped Catelyn through the labor of the boys and was the first to see their faces. It was an emotional and touching moment.
Stannis is all butt-hurt that he didn’t win King’s Landing and nearly chokes Melisandre for not making it happen. She convinces him that he will be King someday and that he will triumph. To prove this she makes him look into the flame of the fire to see his future. And Stannis gets all creepy eyed and lusty for the future.
Dany and Jorah approach the House Of The Undying and immediately Jorah loses her. She is sucked into the ghost castle vortex, leaving her protector on the outside of the walls. Inside, there are a series of insane mind tricks that would freak out any on an acid trip. She walks through a look alike court with the Iron Throne and then finds her way through a door that resembles the out beyond the wall into the icy abyss. She sees a Dothraki tent and upon entering is back in the warmth of the desert. Inside is Khal Drogo himself and he is holding their would be child. Dany assumes it is heaven.
Khal (Jason Momoa) is looking cut, ripped, and hotter than ever, but he is able to say the goodbye that the couple never got. It seems that the warlock Pyat Pree is tapping into Dany’s mind to create the ultimate emotional scenario for her. As much as she wants to stay in the dream world with Khal Drogo, she hears her dragons’ cries in the distance and leaves the tent. Finally she has reached the center of the House of the Undying where her dragons sit chained.
Pyat reveals himself and tells her that the dragons awakened his magic and also, they grow stronger when she is near. He chains her up, but then she summons her dragons and they start that creepy bitch on fire. When she returns to Qarth with her army, she locks Xaro up inside of his empty bank vault along with one of her former handmaidens who slept with him. Jorah and Dany will use the little money Xaro had to buy a ship and set sail.
Arya and Gendry are wandering from Harrenhal when they spot Jaqen. He offers to take Arya to Braavos to learn his sensai killing ways, but she says she must find her brothers, mother, and sister. He gives her a coin and says if she needs him again to say the words, “Valar Morghulis” to someone from Braavos and he will appear. She says goodbye to Jaqen and he says that Jaqen is dead. Upon this he changes his entire face and appearance to someone completely different, startling Arya. It’s too bad because Jaqen’s old face was portrayed by that hottie Tom Wlaschiha. We’re going to miss those beautiful sneaky green eyes.
Jon Snow marches with Ygritte and the Wildlings, but he is forced to face his mentor Qhorin in a sword fight before he can meet Mance. Last episode, the two Nights Watchmen made an agreement that Snow would go find out about the Wildlings and send word to his people. Jon Snow regrettably kills Qhorin in order to make this happen. When Ygritte reveals the city beyond the wall, it is vast and hidden. Soon Jon will meet the King.
Jon’s adorable chubby pal Samwell from the Night’s Watch is still out looking for him when he and his two fellow men hear a horn blast. The two men run and Sam hides behind a rock. What he sees next is something fans have been waiting for since the first episode. The White Walkers approach on undead horses and corpses of all tribes and kingdoms follow aimlessly behind them into the icy cold. The lead White Walker looks right into Sam’s eyes and decides to pass him by, for now.
It was a great season ending which will lead to a fantastic third installment of the series.