‘Game Of Thrones’ Season Three Premiere Recap: ‘Valar Dohaeris’

Kit Harington On A Date!
Kit Joins Ben Barnes For A Double Date With Their Lady Friends
Since the last episode of HBO’s Game Of Thrones, things picked up right where they left off. Adorable fat Samwell has just seen the white walkers and wanders aimlessly in the cold before stumbling upon his decapitated brother from the wall. Another walker approaches Sam to finish him, but Jon Snow’s dire wolf saves the day and the remaining brethren from the wall set the walker aflame. The commander asks Sam if he sent the ravens. He did not. You had one job Sam! The commander then says they must warn the people or everyone they know will be dead by winter’s end. It’s all a bit gloomy. Even the total boob count for this episode was merely one pair.

However, the sexual tension between Ygritte and Jon Snow is still building and I can’t wait until they bone. She is going to rock his world. Could we swoon even more over the handsome Kit Harington? Ygritte takes Jon to Maynce the King and Jon swears his allegiance. A former member of the guard questions his motives, but Jon says he was appalled when he saw Craster sacrifice his infant son to the white walkers and wants to fight with those who protect the living.

At King’s Landing Tyrion is still dealing with the blow to his pride as he has been demoted by his father and has received no credit for his bravery during the battle. His father never visits him as he heals. Cersei is concerned with why Tyrion wants to meet with their father and doesn’t trust him. When the two men meet, Tyrion reminds his father that he is the clear heir to Casterley Rock since Jaime is a sworn knight and has relinquished his inheritance. Tywin the father mocks his dwarf son, blaming him yet again for the death of his wife and questioning whether he is his true son or a bastard. He will never give Casterley Rock to Tyrion and tells him to be grateful for whatever he is offered.

Davos has been living on a rock since the battle and is discovered by his buddy Salladhor. He wants to get back to Stannis, but Sal tells him it’s a bad idea because that cray cray bitch Melisandre is still whispering in Stannis’ ear. When Davos gets to Stannis at Dragonstone, he is unable to speak with him because Melisandre does all the talking. Davos tells her that he thinks she is pure evil because she is burning anyone who speaks ill of her or whom worships another God. Stannis ignores Davos and has him locked in a cell even though the dude still swears his loyalty to the Baratheon crown.

Robb Stark and his new bride Talisa come across a city which has hundreds of smelly corpses. She helps one survivor and Robb decides to stay there with his men until they figure out what to do. He has his mother locked in a cell because she let Brienne take Jaime Lanister.

Sansa is seen with Shae looking at the passing ships when Petyr Baelish arrives. He says he can still take her back to her home at Winterfell when he leaves, but that they have to keep it on the down low. Now that Sansa is no longer betrothed to King Joffrey she is pretty screwed. Shae is told by Ros to protect Sansa and not to trust Baelish.

Lady Margaery impresses King Joffrey by stopping in town to visit the orphans. Later that evening, Loras and Margaery have dinner with Cersei and Joffrey. Cersei is a bitch as per usual and wants Margaery to stay away from the poor as they almost killed the royal party recently. Joffrey tells his mother that she is a drama queen.

Dany and Jorah travel on sea while the dragons grow bigger every day. The Dothraki soldiers are severely sea sick and Jorah points out that they only followed Khaleesi because of her strength, but that she’ll need to be even more strong to have others follow her. She arrives as Astapor and negotiates buying the Unsullied soldiers, but the Master insults her through his translator and then cuts off one of the soldiers nipples to show that they fear nothing. He then tells her that to train the soldiers he makes them each kill an infant in front of their mother. There are 8,000 for sale and Dany is appalled. Jorah tells her that they’d have a better life if they fought for her and she would take care of them.

As they walk through town, a little girl hands Dany a coconut shell and tells her to open it. A man in black attempts to stop her, but Jorah apprehends him. The coconut opens and reveals a poisonous insect, but the man in black kills it before Dany perishes. He is Bariston Selmy, the former guard of Robert Baratheon and he asks for her pardon for failing her father and then swears his allegiance to her. Sweet, the more the merrier in Dany’s situation. This chick is building an army and needs every warrior she can get.