‘Game Of Thrones’ Recap: ‘The Rains of Castamere’ Causes Viewers To Cry Themselves To Sleep

Jon Snow On A Date
Kit Harington Takes His Girlfriend To The Movies
Just when we thought we had witnessed a terrible wedding, the latest episode of HBO’s Game Of Thrones gave us something even worse. Rob and Catelyn decide to take Casterley Rock now that the Lannisters are all living in King’s Landing. They need the alliance with the Frey’s in order to make this happen and attempt to make amends by visiting Lord Frey and apologizing.

Frey makes Rob apologize to his many daughters and granddaughters for letting them down. Rob says he only spurned them because he loved another. Frey scoffs and says that Rob married Talisa because she is beautiful and has a bangin’ bod. Talisa is pregnant with Rob’s baby and the two try to keep their excitement and love for one another on the down low as to avoid insulting the Freys any further. However, it doesn’t go according to plan.

Hot ass Daario, Khaleesi, Jorah, and Barristan decide to take Grey Worm into Yunkai and take over the city by convincing the slaves to side and fight with them as free men. Jorah is worried, but Grey Worm says he trusts Daario and the men go ahead with the plan. Khaleesi is worried and stays up all night hoping for their return. They return successful. The slaves are now aligned with the mother of dragons and the city is hers. Also, Khaleesi and Daario need to bone like ASAP.

Sam and Gilly have finally reached the wall. Gilly is impressed at how intelligent Sam is from reading books and seems to be very grateful for his love and protection. The Hound and Arya run into a hog farmer whose cart has lost a wheel. The Hound helps the man and then almost kills him, but Arya prevents him from doing so. The two are almost to the Frey’s castle and Arya so close to being reunited with her mother Catelyn and brother Rob.

Bran, Rickon, Osha, and the gang find a windmill in the North just outside the wall and stay the night when it starts raining. Jon Snow and the wildlings are not far off, plotting to steal horses from a breeder. The wildlings want to kill the old man who breeds the horses, but Jon thinks it’s unnecessary. When they attack he purposefully scares the horses so the old man gets away. The wildlings turn on him when he refuses to kill the man and Ygritte does the deed for him. Jon manages to get away when Bran overhears the commotion from the nearby windmill, turns into a wog to control Jon’s dire wolf, and kills the men attacking his half brother.

Bran also realizes that he needs to part ways with his little brother Rickon so that he can go beyond the wall to find the three eyed raven. Rickon is very sad, but Osha promises to take care of him and leaves Bran with Hodor the giant, Jojan and his sister.

Catelyn’s brother Edmure Tully marries Frey’s daughter in hopes of keeping the alliance alive. He is actually happy with her as she is sweet and beautiful. Everyone enjoys the merry feast and Rob approves of the bedding ceremony wherein they carry the bride and groom to their bedchamber and makes sure the marriage is consummated. Talisa tells Rob she will name the baby Eddard after his father if it is a boy. Rob is overjoyed and Catelyn is pleased to see the two happy with one another.

Catelyn notices the guards closing the dining hall doors and then realizes that Bolton is wearing chain mail under his clothing, something only used in battle. She realizes that Frey is up to something just in time to witness one of his men stab Talisa in the stomach several times. Then men from above shoot arrows into Catelyn and Rob before men on the ground floor slit the throats of all of Rob’s men.  Outside the castle doors, Arya arrives with the Hound and witnesses Frey’s guards kill Rob’s soldiers and his dire wolf which is locked up at the stables. She attempts to run into the castle, but the Hound tells her that it’s too late and he knocks her unconscious before carrying her away.

Rob slumps over to his wife Talisa who is bleeding to death. Frey laughs at the scene. Catelyn seizes Frey’s wife and puts a knife to her throat. She tells Frey that if he lets Rob go that there will be no vengeance and they will never bother the Frey clan again. Otherwise, Catelyn will slit his wife’s throat. Frey responds that he will find a new wife. Bolton approaches Rob, stabbing him in the heart and telling him that the Lannisters send their regards. Catelyn is in shock now that her son is dead and she kills Frey’s wife. Standing there silent, another man approaches her from behind and slits Catelyn Stark’s throat. Roll credits and queue the absolute shock of every viewer watching.