‘Game Of Thrones’ Recap: ‘The Prince Of Winterfell’
Theon’s creepy sister rides into Winterfell and once again degrades him to nothing. She tells him that he is a ‘c-word’, if you know what I mean. It may be true, but man is his gross sister harsh. Theon begins to feel badly about cooking some Bran muffins, frying the Stark boys and hanging their little corpses up. It’s one of those blunders you generally can’t sweep under the rug Theon.
Ygritte brings Jon Snow (Kit Harington) back to her bone warrior peeps. Turns out they’ve also caught Quorin and killed the rest of the men because Jon Snow didn’t have the cajones to kill a chick. Being a gentleman sure does come at a price these days. Quorin tells him to try and get information about Mance from beyond the wall and be the inside guy. He pushes him off a snow bank and Ygritte is left with him once again. Hopefully she doesn’t mind ninja him into killing himself before he finishes his mission.
Catelyn has let Jaime go with Brienne back to King’s Landing so that she can buy Sansa and Arya’s freedom. Rob is super pissed that she didn’t consult him. Now he feels like he can’t trust her. He is also a bit butt hurt that he has to marry this other chick to build a bridge to nowhere when really he wants to smooch and caress Talisa the medical magician. Finally, after walks in the park and long conversations they give in to one another and Rob gets to smooch her like he’s been hoping for. It was sweet and pleasant and not rapey like most of the sexual encounters we’ve seen on this show. Thanks Rob!
At Harrenhal, Arya overhears that Tywin Lannister is going to go midevil on her brother Rob’s ass and she decides to get Jaqen to kill him. But Jaqen shows up too late and instead they make a deal for her and Gendry and that fat kid who loves cake to escape. Can we all acknowledge that Jaqen is super mysterious and hot? And also, Arya should keep him on hold until she gets to womanhood.
At King’s Landing, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) is having 99 problems and Cersei is one. She thinks she has his prostitute girlfriend in custody to black mail him into doing what she wants, but it turns out she has the wrong girl. Tyrion keeps his cool and pretends that Cersei (Lena Headey) has his true love, but then runs to find Shae and make sure she is safe. It’s nice to know that Cersei isn’t as powerful as she would like to be sometimes. Tyrion is working to prevent the overtaking of the kingdom by Stannis, but people are making him manage shit pipes and plumbing. Tywin obviously didn’t know the value of his youngest son.
Stannis and Davos had a moment together. Stannis was like, “Dude, I had to eat horses and cats and even a man’s best friend, but you had my back. So like, be my bro and my right hand man when I give King Joffrey a major shit storm”. And Davos was like, “Duuuuuuude. I am so there”.
Dany (Emilia Clarke) still hasn’t found her dragons and wants to go to creep city aka the House of the Undying to get them back. Jorah is trying to prevent this and tells her to let her dragons go. But Dany gave him the old palm to the face and the sweetums eyes, so he caved and promised to help her get the dragons back. She also said the dragons would be her only children and Jorah had a case of the ‘I’m so sad you don’t want my babies’.
Theon decides he wants to take the bran muffin bodies down from their nooses. Master Luwin overhears him discussing this and notices Tonks, I mean Osha, sneaking around Winterfell. He follows her and she tells him that Bran isn’t a bran muffin, he and his baby brother are still alive. She figures they should hide in plain sight at Winterfell, because everyone knows that Theon has the I.Q. of a lemming.