‘Game Of Thrones’ Recap: ‘Mockingbird’ Shows That Hottie Daario’s Chiseled Butt
Khaleesi finally got a piece of dat ass.
On the latest episode of HBO’s Game Of Thrones, Khaleesi has been pretty stressed out trying to rule her newly conquered lands of Yunkai and Meereen. And when a lady is tired from conquering land there is always the prospect of conquering your number one warrior’s hot bod and taking the edge off.
Except for the fact that the new Daario isn’t as hot as the Daario cast in the previous season. According to Time, the recasting was due to a schedule conflict with the new Transporter reboot film.
Tyrion is hoping that Jaime will act as his champion against the Mountain, but apparently that can’t happen and so he sends in Bronn. Cersei has bought off Bronn with a new title and a future castle, wife, and pile of gold. Well, it will all be his after his betrothed’s older sister accidentally snaps her neck in a horse riding “accident”, but that’s a small technicality. Tyrion can’t offer Bronn anything better and is shit out of luck.
Arya and the Hound come across a dying man who has been robbed. After the Hound is attacked by the robbers and bitten, he kills one and leaves the other for Arya to dispatch. But then his neck wound becomes infected. He is deathly afraid of fire since his childhood trauma of having his brother – the Mountain – shove his face into the flames. He admits to Arya how awful the incident was for him and she helps him sew up the wound.
Brienne and Pod come across Arya’s old buddy Hot Pie who tells them that they used to hang together until the Hound kidnapped her to gain a ransom from her closest kin. Pod reminds Brienne that Lysa Tully would be the only living relative of Sansa and Arya so they redirect their course to the Eyrie.
Jon Snow is still trying to remind all the idiot douche bags at Castle Black that a literal shit storm is coming in the form of Mance Rayder and his massive army, but they continue to belittle and ignore him. Idiots.
Stannis’ wife Selyse chats with Melisandre and her tiny nipples while she takes a bath. She doesn’t want her daughter to accompany the group on their journey because she lacks faith in the one true God, but Melisandre says she has special plans for the girl and will be taking her along.
Prince Oberyn visits Tyrion in the dungeon and tells him the story about meeting him for the first time when he was a baby. Clearly Cersei had some serious issues with Tyrion right from the start because their mother died while laboring him. Oberyn had expected to see a monster or a freak, but instead he saw an innocent baby. Cersei tortured the baby right from the start by pinching and twisting his little wee wee. How awful! Oberyn reminds Tyrion that the Mountain raped his sister and killed her children, so he wants to be Tyrion’s champion to get revenge.
Sansa is still at the Eyrie having to listen to Petyr Baelish sympathy bone her koo-koo-for-cocoa-puffs aunt Lysa. She builds a mini snow model of Winterfell in the courtyard and that creepy little brat Robyn destroys it. Petyr finds Sansa and tells her that he never loved anyone as much as he loved her mother and arranged Prince Joffrey’s death as revenge for Catelyn’s murder. Then he tells her that she is even more beautiful than her mother and he kisses her passionately. Lysa witnesses this and proceeds to lose her shit.
When Sansa goes to see her near the infamous moon door, Lysa grabs her and threatens to throw her over the edge. Petyr convinces Lysa to stop and tells her that he loved only one person his entire life, which was her sister Catelyn. He then throws Lysa Tully through the moon door to her death.20
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