‘Game Of Thrones’ Recap: ‘Garden Of Bones’

Jason Momoa Smoulders
The 'Game Of Thrones' Hottie Shows Off His Eyes
Well, it just gets more and more weird. HBO’s Game Of Thrones is serious business. If you happen to be part of the ninety nine percent of society that haven’t read the novels by George R.R. Martin, be prepared to get traumatized, confused, and then criticized if you don’t know what the hell is going on. Luckily, some of us have read the series, but this doesn’t ease the trauma much.

Teenage King Joffrey is everyone’s nightmare these days. He points weapons at his betrothed, makes prostitutes beat one another, and insults every female within a twenty mile radius of King’s Landing, including his mother Cersei. And then there were the rats . . .

Arya and Gendry are taken to Harrenhal where they witness the torture of several people using a rat trick. First, you strap someone to a chair and interrogate them for something they probably had nothing to do with. Then, put a rat in a bucket and set it on this person’s chest. Then light the bucket so that the rat has no where to go but into the man’s chest, thereby killing him. It’s apparently loads of fun, even if you don’t get any information out of the guy. Gendry is up next to be tortured, but Tywin Lannister saves the day by suggesting they make all the prisoners slaves instead of killing them. He recognizes immediately that Ayra is a girl, which means future trouble for her. For now she has been named Tywin’s ‘cup bearer’.

 The reason why Joffrey lost his shit is due to the fact that Rob Stark has been kicking ass and taking names on the battlefield. None of the men are psyched on fighting for King Joffrey and they think he is a joke. When a field nurse asks Rob what he will do if he takes over King’s Landing, he essentially says he wouldn’t touch the iron throne, let alone rule it. And honestly, it probably has Joffrey cooties all over it anyhow.

After Joffrey humiliates Sansa, Tyrion helps her up and reprimands the King. When he questions Sansa’s loyalty she stands firm in supporting her future husband. The relationship between Tyrion and Sansa is one of the best things about this series and Peter Dinklage is absolutely amazing this season. It will be nice to see it all evolve. Tyrion also found out that Cersei is trying to get him to free gross Master Pycelle, but he figures out this trick and threatens to tell the teenage king. Good move bro!

Petyr still loves Ned’s widow Catelyn and tries to relight that old fire, but she isn’t having it and when they deliver Ned’s old bones in a box to her she isn’t happy at all. Petyr also tried to get Margery to tell secrets about Renly Baratheon, but that girl’s lips are sealed. Petyr is just a snake trying to work the system in his favor. This has been obvious since day one.

Adorable Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) finally gets the khalasar to have her back and they approach the Quarth where the thirteen live. They get all up in her grill about dragons and she tells them to be patient. One dude vouches for her and they open up the gates. It’s one step closer to Dany becoming the ultimate bad ass.

To cap off the episode, Melisandre rolled up on shore with Davos and shit really hit the fan. Turns out that she is preggers, majorly preggers. And then she proceeds to give birth to what looks like Satan. It’s like a mixture between the smoke monster from Lost and a dementor from Azkaban. Maybe Melisandre was sorted into the wrong house on her Pottermore account? Either way, things aren’t looking good and this crazy bitch is on a mission to scare the living shit out of everyone in the seven kingdoms. Mission accomplished!