Dead dudes & naked people.
That about sums up the latest episode of HBO’s Game Of Thrones. The king is dead, the queen mother Cersei is extremely upset, and she wants Tyrion’s head for the murder. But first, she wants to make sure that Sansa Stark is found so she too can be punished, if necessary.
Drunken idiot Ser Dantos is hauling major balls out of the city and dragging Sansa along with him to a secret canoe which leads to a secret ship with a secret passenger. It’s that freaking secretive!
Who is the man waiting for Sansa? None other than Petyr Baelish who had Dantos’ so-called family heirloom necklace crafted just days ago to gain Sansa’s trust. He then kills Dantos who had been working for him all along.
Meanwhile, Joffrey’s dead corpse lays on a slab in the castle dressed up nice and pretty. Cersei is in shambles and her other son Tommen stands by her side. Her father Tywin, who is the hand of the king, starts to talk shit on the dead right in front of his mother. He tells Tommen that Joffrey was an awful king and that only by listening to those wiser than him will Tommen make a good king. Then he guides the boy away from his mother’s side and keeps whispering advice in the new king’s ear.
Jaime orders everyone to leave the room so that Cersei can grieve over her teenage son. She wants their brother Tyrion dead, but Jaime has his doubts over his brother’s guilt. He tries to comfort Cersei, but she rejects him. She wants to mourn their son. Jaime might seem sort of bummed that the kid he made with his twin sister is dead, but not too much. Instead, he gets angry with her and rapes her right at the feet of the boy’s body. Real classy, bro.
Then there is Stannis, who is the most out of touch idiot douche the show has to offer as far as kings go. He is all psyched that Melisandre’s blood magic killed off Joffrey, but he has no ships to attack Westeros, and Davos let his Baratheon bastard replacement run free. Davos thinks that they can get the Lannisters to cave by getting the Braavosi bankers on his side, but who knows if that will work. He is all about magic n’ shit.
Tyrion is stuck in the dungeon awaiting trial. He has no witnesses to help him. Sansa is gone. Bronn has his hands too dirty himself. Verys is already testifying for Cersei. Blerrrg. Tyrion’s faithful squire Podrick will be given a proper title if he testifies against his own master, but refuses and Tyrion tells him to flee the city. Tyrion does request to see his brother Jaime.
The Hound and Arya stopped at a poor farmer’s house. Arya lied and said the Hound was her father who was wounded in battle while fighting for House Tully. They eat their food and the Hound ends up stealing the poor man’s silver.
Sam makes Gilly leave Castle Black where a hundred men are ogling at her female body. He moves her to a whorehouse and arranges for her to be a cleaning lady and a babysitter.
Margaery and her grandmother discuss how much of a shit sandwich she is getting in terms of ever becoming Queen. She is two for two after Renly’s death and then Joffrey’s. Has she even gotten properly laid?
Oberlyn agrees to be on the judgement bar for Tyrion’s trial and align with the Lannisters in case Dany and her dragons ever descend. We’ll see if that alliance goes well or even at all.
The Wildlings and the Thenns attacked nearby Castle Black and Mance Rayder is on his way behind them. Jon Snow tries to tell the Crows that they’re in some seriously deep shit, but no one is taking him as seriously as they need to be.
Khaleesi Dany comes to the city of Meereen and her badass warrior Daario slays the best fighter the city has to offer. It seems like another trophy city for her and her army. They send over the chains of former slaves to show Meereen’s enslaved people that they too can riot, rebel, and join the crew.
What did you think of this week’s episode? Let us know in the comments below.