‘Game Of Thrones’ Gives Us Hot Blooded Warrior Men & Bangin’ Bods, Season 2 Premiere Recap
Last season Ed Stark and his family became aware of one really gross secret. The royal family of the seven kingdoms are a bunch of inbreds. No news there. But it’s even sicker than one could imagine. Brother and sister duo Cersei and Jaime Lannister are doing it and none of the King’s babies are his own. Yuck. All along the way their dwarf brother Tyrion played by Peter Dinklage who won the Emmy and the Golden Globe this year, is dealing with their creep show and whoring around like a badass.
After the siblings throw Ed’s little boy out of a window, Stark is called as the King’s hand. Robert is his bro, but won’t believe that his wife Cesei is trying to overthrow him. After Rob dies in a hunting accident, his bratty son Joffrey becomes a teenage king and gives old Ed Stark the neck chop in front of his two daughters.
Now Stark’s family is preparing for revenge and going medieval on the Lannister’s asses. First, they fight to kidnap Jaime and now they are going to storm King’s Landing. Meanwhile, the extremely attractive bastard son of Ed named Jon Snow played by the ever adorable Kit Harington is on the night’s watch where some creepy shit is continually at bay. The series started with some wacky ice man murders and we haven’t been given any further clues to that other than it being some next level shit.
That brings us to the present. Ed’s tomboy daughter Arya saw her dad lose his head and she split. Now she is posing as an orphan boy and has coincidentally met up with dead King Robert’s bastard son Gendry, played by BBC Skins star Joe Dempsie.
Ed’s other daughter Sansa is betrothed to that little asshole King Joffrey and he is extremely abusive. Now even his mother Cersei is realizing that his rule is coming back to bite her. She slaps him for making a snide remark and he threatens to kill her if she does it again.
Little Bran, the kid who was thrown out the window for witnessing the sibling incest, is now lord of Winterfell since his dad was beheaded and his brothers are wreaking havoc on the Lannisters. He isn’t enjoying it too much. His half brother Jon Snow is staying at a house where the father has married all of his daughters. If you haven’t guessed it yet, incest is a common theme in this show.
In the desert, Daenerys the super hot blonde played by Emilia Clarke is in charge of dragons and has dealt with some terribly bad luck. First, her brother marries her off to a bunch of cavemen called the Dothraki whom she can’t communicate with, but soon she becomes close to her extremely ripped husband played by Jason Momoa. He dies defending her honor and she tries to save his life through witchcraft, but it doesn’t work out. Her unborn child dies as payment for her sins. But, and here is the exciting news, she throws some dragon eggs in a fire and three winged secret weapons emerge. Rock on!
So now, we are waiting for Daenerys to get close enough to King’s Landing to set the dragons free and watch everyone rue the day. Her family was the rightful heir to the thrown anyway. And also, the priestess Melisandre started some fires on the beach and then some dude drank poisoned wine. Everyone is war hungry and blood thirsty. We don’t know who will win the throne, but who cares? There are hot dudes with swords running around all sweaty and angry. Let the nerds do the analyzing and we’ll stick to the eye candy.