Friends Of Mark Wahlberg Get Dick-Slapped In The Face, Because He Likes Them

Remember Mark Wahlberg’s penis? Wait. I realize I said that like either you or I dated Mark Wahlberg in college and we had discussed his penis as if it were a person unto itself.

Remember Mark Wahlberg’s penis in Boogie Nights? Well, that’s what I’m talking about. That fake umpteen inches long penis he donned in the ’97 flick, well apparently Mr. Wahlberg brought that home with him as a souvenir.

“I used to keep it in my desk drawer. And I’d take it out and slap my friends in the face with it. I don’t keep many things from my movies, but that just seemed to have personal significance,” Wahlberg said, seen here taking his wife Rhea Durham and kids Ella Rae and Michael to Sunday service at a church in Beverly Hills.

I can understand why he kept it. When in your life would you actually get to have two penises. Insert your own joke here. Good thing I already put that bit about them going to church.