Friday Five: Lisa Timmons’ Top Five

I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with my West Coast counterpart Lisa Timmons by conference call twice in the past two weeks. I felt lucky, and blessed. My boyfriend thinks we would make a good comedy team. I could only hope to look that good in a little black dress.

1. Bust Out The Hula Hoops And Roller Skates, Crazy People, It’s American Idol Audition Time – That headline of Lisa’s alone is priceless. But so it her definition of a relationship:

Speaking of Paula, her current beau, restaurateur, J.T. Torregiani seems to still be hanging on and I must say I’m impressed with his perseverance. Or at least, she’s still got him agreeing to pose for pictures with her, which I’ve learned from past experience is just at as good as a real relationship.

2.Sienna Miller Does More Partying With Puff Daddy – You know I love me some snark, which is why Lisa cracked my shit up with this:

Sienna attempted to leave the club without drawing attention from the paparazzi, but didn’t get the memo that flying under the radar usually means leaving the knee-high gold boots at home.

3. Charlie Sheen Said Denis Asked For A Pretty Personal Memento Of His – Charlie Sheen is complaining that his ex-Denise Richards wants his sperm for another kid. What the f*ck? These two are mental. Lisa summed it up very well:

Meanwhile, however, Denise is saying that it’s a bunch of BS and she wouldn’t want his stupid sperms even if they bought her eggs dinner.

HAH! That’s how I feel about a lot of men.

4. Cisco Adler Thinks Nicole Richie Won’t Eat Her Baby – This was my favorite headline of Lisa’s this week. Even though I wouldn’t put anything past Nicole Richie.

5. Britney accuses Mom of getting with K-Fed – Just the latest chapter of this shit. Apparently Lisa has a similar problem:

Because every time Kevin Federline has sex with a woman, he gets them pregnant. It’s his signature move. Sort of how my signature move is cutting the bitch who would dare sleep with my man. Are you reading, Mom? I’m not playing.

Ma Timmons, you wouldn’t!