Friday Five: Lisa Timmons’ Top Five

June 22nd, 2007 // Leave a Comment

Lisa and I want to dedicate this week to all the friends and enemies of Brad and Angie. You liven up our days and nights. With a movie out, and an alleged heroin addiction – Angelina is sure to dazzle, fascinate, and repulse many of you for decades to come. And Lisa and I will be here bringing you all of the details. Unless Lisa gets her own TV show, at which time I will cry and jump off a ledge.

1. Oprah Is Almost As Powerful As Jesus – The terrifying thing? This is a true story. She is.

2. Fantastic Four Flick Makes Bank – I’m so glad Lisa feels the same way about Jessica Alba as I do:

Ugh. Great. Just what I need. More success for Jessica Alba. I’m so glad I don’t have to hang out with that girl. I can imagine the conversation would be a lot of, “God, you’re so lucky not to be as BEAUTIFUL as I am. I can’t tell you how annoying it is that my breasts are are perky and my lips are plump. If someone tosses any more money at me to strut around in tight outfits, I’m going to kill myself.” To which I’d have to reply, “Would you like some help?”

For those of you who think I’m a heartless jerk, keep in mind that Lisa just offered Jessica Alba help with her suicide. *sigh* I heart Lisa.

3. Kelly Rowland Seriously Thought Beyonce Would Beat Out Helen Mirren – HA HA HA HA HA HA. I know, right? Beyonce’s up there with Helen, and Dame Judi Dench. I saw “Dreamgirls”, I think Lisa and I could do way better jobs. But I get to be Effie.

4. Jesus’ Phone Is Ringing Off the Hook With Calls From Young Hollywood – Seriously. Lisa informed us of Lohan’s crazy Dad telling us that Lindsay has found God. And God wasn’t happy.

5. Letter From The Editor – Lisa speaks eloquently about how she feels that we bloggers sorta exist because of all the stupid things Paris does. But Hilary Duff putting food in backpacks makes it all better. And we got denied entrance to the BET Awards. WHAT? They’ll let DMX wig out in their studios but we don’t get red carpet acces? F*ck em’, I’m getting all my black entertainment elsewhere from now on. Stay strong, Lisa! Someday – the Oscars!

By J. Harvey
asl

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