Friday Five: Lisa Timmons’ Top Five

Los Angeles-based socialite Lisa Timmons is out and about. This week? She covered Hilary Duff in an ASL exclusive! Soon, she’s going to be so popular that she WILL be the news. Though, I don’t think she’ll get to the level of say a Paris Hilton because she’s the opposite of skank. Unless she steals that air conditioner she’s been dreaming of. If any of you socialities out there work at Best Buy, take pity on the woman who enthralls you with her terrific writing on a daily basis and send her an AC!

1. Hilary Duff Exclusive – Dude, Lisa gets to go to all the fun stuff! You know she was all dressed to the nines in some hot ass sunglasses and a cute top, reporting in the Cali sunshine. I am a jealous thirsty bitch! And I bet there was free food, too. Those elementary schools always put on a bake sale.

2. Nicky Hilton And Mom Bother Me Via People Magazine – Lisa sums up EXACTLY how I feel about this trash family. Seriously, these two hoes are cutting lines and shit? It’s a two hour wait to visit your wifey in the clink for kiting checks. And these two are gonna cut in on your conjugal? Screw that!

3.Clay Aiken Fans Are Battling Each Other – Thank God for Lisa, the wind beneath my snark:

And somehow, this battle actually manages to be gayer than the loinclothed, abtastic fight scenes from “300.” I also wouldn’t be surprised to find out that there are a lot of puff-paint decorated sweatshirts involved. Just kidding, Claymates! Don’t hunt me down and murder me in my sleep! Ha! Ha! We’re all friends here.

You know it’s a friggin’ Bedazzler convention up on that message board.

4. Leo DiCaprio’s Girlfriend Likes Giving Away The Milk For Free – Seriously, Lisa, right? That isn’t very American! Where’s her lust for a ring that tons of other lovecrazed broads have? What is this Bohemian sleeping with someone and getting nothing for it thing? Weird. She must be a communist (actually, I don’t think she’s American but she better get with it!)

5. 20% Off At Locher’s! – I can’t shop there which is a crime because my hairy man boobs would look hot in one of these tops. But Lisa, being the shopping goddess that she is, managed to snag ALL of our A Socialite’s Life Readers a coupon for 20% off at Locher’s. Apparently they make gorgeous tops. I wouldn’t know. I’m a non-tranny gay, damnit! The offer’s available until June 20 – so hurry, and don’t ever say we don’t love you! Cuz’ we do, even if you threaten us for writing positive things about Angelina! *hugs*!