Friday Five: Lisa Timmons’ Top Five

February 23rd, 2007 // 3 Comments

(Image source)

Let me tell you a little story. Recently, Lisa and I both got invited to The Haven, a decadent Oscar swag suite. However, the Haven was in Beverly Hills. While Lisa is the prettiest, most vivacious Angeleno ever – I am on the East Coast where it is slushy and gray and cold and there is not a gift bag in sight. Knowing this, we decided Lisa would cover the event for A Socialite’s Life. But she always looks out for me, and I know this because she is sending me sweets from The Haven and I am a fat chocoholic! I *heart* Lisa, and her generosity and her appearances on LA’s nightly news to discuss Britney and most of all, her snarky writing:

1. Jessica Simpson and her Big Mouth Give to Charity – It’s about time someone nailed the fact that Jessica can’t close her yap when a camera’s turned on her.

2. NBA AllStar Weekend Was a Blast, For Everyone Who Didn’t Get Their Ass Beat Or Shot – Lisa’s best headline of the week. I spit out my Diet Coke. Something else I wanted to add, too. I assigned this story to her, mainly because it involved a celebrity (Nelly) possibly involved in gunplay. I was reading the comments on it, and noticed some dickheads were all “why are you reporting on this, you racist?” Bitch, first off – Lisa’s black. Secondly, we don’t care if the people involved were black, white, irridescent or purple polka-dot. If there’s celebrity (in this case, a well-known rapper and professional athletes), we report on it. It’s what we do. So suck it. Oh, and Lisa’s not black. I was just throwing that in so you haters would feel stupid. Suckaz!

3. Stallone in Trouble – this one was great because Lisa described Stallone as looking “seriously punched in the face by Father Time.” HAH!

4.Lisa on TV! – I know this isn’t a story per se, but LISA WAS ON THE EVENING NEWS TALKING ABOUT CELEBRITIES! Seriously, anyday now we’re going to be presenting at awards shows! Ok, maybe I’m not. But she is! And you’ll say you knew her when she was indie and cool pre-famous and rich! Like the hipster snobs you are! We love you!

5.Anna Nicole’s Nurse Speaks Out – Because I’m still laughing over Lisa’s interior monolouge for the nurse.

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Kelly Rummelhart

    Love the Lisa Race card statement- hysterical!

  2. snark lover

    Oh simple, shallow people! I love it!

    The racist comment was because Lisa said they were planning the next All-Star weekend in New Orleans because Katrina didn’t finish the job (what a lovely sentiment, Lisa) – and several readers supported this shitty comment with quotes like “they’re all savages” “They will just kill each other off”, with seriousness and not sarcasm which might seem slightly disturbing, but hey racism is allowed in america!

    But now that I think about it; I am just PMSing -people said the same thing about gays and AIDS and no one got upset by that…

    besides I love good old fashioned snark just like the next gossip lovin’ ho…

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