Friday Five: J. Harvey’s Top Five of the Week

February 23rd, 2007 // 6 Comments

This week, J. was on FIRE, I tell you. Not that he isn’t consistently on point, but I have this feeling that scandal brings out the best in him because there were some doozies posted this past week. Unfortunately for me, I have to narrow it down to my five faves, but I want to let all his other posts know that I love them just as much…but in a different way. And without further ado, here goes!

1. Judge In Anna Nicole Case Lusts For Fame – “The judge is acting like a total donkey .” BWAHAHAHAHA! Loves it.

2. Howard K. Stern Is Sitting In The Passenger Side Of His Best Friend’s Ride, Trying To Holla At Me – I was laughing so hard when I read this title, until I realized that I was going to have “No Scrubs” stuck in my head for the rest of the week. Then I cried. And started laughing again.

3. Send in the Clowns: Virgie Arthur in the Hizzy – OMG, I love when J.’s title totally breaks it down. He doesn’t have time for flowery bullshit. We have a blog to write, people. And when J. included this quote from Arthur in his post…

She added, “I heard that “ET” is buying her death funeral … for a million bucks.”

…to which he remarked…

“Death funeral”? Is that like “birth christening”? Sorry, Virgie, go on.

…I laughed so hard. Not just cause it was funny on its face, but also because the other day I totally pulled a Virgie when I used the expression “wrist bracelets.”

4. Breaking News: More Details on Britney in Rehab – There’s actually so much about this post that cracks my shit up. But basically, I’m just going to quote an email I sent to J. after I read it.

SUBJECT: It was the most pathetic sound…
BODY: …when I read this…

“That place lets you go out and smoke crack during your therapy breaks.”

…on your Britney rehab update post. Because it was the sound of me, without a voice, attempting to laugh out loud and sounding like an emphysema patient.

5. Bridget Moynahan Is Pregnant With Tom Brady’s Child, Tom Brady Is Currently Dating Gisele Bundchen, Gisele Bundchen Is Readying “I Need To Focus On My Career Right Now” Break-Up Speech – Do I really need to explain this one?

By Lisa Timmons

  1. I can’t believe you didn’t include…

    (Re: Prince Harry’s Deployment)

    “…it’s probably a shame to highlight one snotnosed punkass who likes to wear Nazi paraphenalia being sent over there. But he’s hot. What, I’m shallow. This is a gossip website. Shut up! He’s gonna look smoking in that military garb. Or walking around in a spousal abuser. Sweaty, dumping water over his head, maybe describing things as “bloody this” or “bollocks”. *sigh*”

    This, my dear, brought tears of laughter to my (wide, innocent) eyes.

  2. mike

    #2 (the title) is one of his all-time best, for sure.

  3. “…it’s probably a shame to highlight one snotnosed punkass who likes to wear Nazi paraphenalia being sent over there.” may i get that on amazon?

  4. Thought of the day: If Anna was financing everything from Howard’s rent to his sneaker collection, why didn’t she treat him to some facial reconstruction surgery while she was at it and make the world a more beautiful place?

    Seriously… that mieskeit’s punim is going to give me nightmares if I keep having to see it in the news.


  5. bbb

    Hoawrds not a bad looking guy lol.

  6. darling

    Please stop this feature. We all know you both think you’re hilarious, and yes, you do serve us great gossip. However, the self-congratulatory posts are so, so nauseating.

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