Friday Five: J. Harvey’s Top Five of the Week

OK, here’s the deal. We all know that J. Harvey is an awesome recapper. If we were superheroes, J.’s amazing secret power wouldn’t be that of invisibility, flight or even eyes that shoot lasers. No, it would be his ability to detail the events of some of our favorite television shows in a way that is often much funnier than the show had ever intended to be portrayed.

And that is why I feel like it would be a cop-out to include his recaps in this end of the week round-up when the truth of the matter is, y’all should be reading all of them anyways, dammit! So, of all the other stuff J.’s been writing, here are my top five selections, in no particular order. (I’m lying, they’re totally in a particular order–chronological. Ha!)

1. Billy Bob and Angelina Still Talk, Share Hemoglobin – The problem with having a post with a title like this, is trying to make sure your content’s just as funny. But with J.’s awesome description of those two’s marriage, during which time Angelina “rolled cat-like and needy and silent,” I knew he was up to the challenge.

2. Jon Bon Jovi Feels Denise Richards Gives Love A Bad Name – Any title that references a Bon Jovi song that my cousin Nikki used to sing in her preternaturally gravelly 5-year old voice has my vote. Also, I agree J., dude needs a new do.

3. Theatre Review: At Least It’s Pink – Since we’re writing so many short blog posts about random news, it’s nice to get to read J. doing something out of the ordinary and hear his “slightly-more-serious-theater-review” voice. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Plus, he mentioned abortion and anal sex jokes and I heart those cause I’m a sick bastard.

4. Diddy Risks His Own Life, Yells at Naomi Campbell – J.’s account of Diddy’s hypothetical murder at the hands of the supermodel had me laughing out loud. Because hypothetical murder is awesome.

5. Just Because Paula Abdul Invites You to Hollywood on American Idol, Doesn’t Mean She Means It – Speaking of murder, J. totally accuses Paula Abdul of it for two seconds and I loved that as well.