Why do I get so excited every time a Friday rolls around? Probably cause it’s the weekend and also cause I know that I’ll get to do J. Harvey’s Friday Five. I get to sit down and just read his week’s work of snarky good times, and it’s really the only time of the week where I can actually catch up on anything I’ve missed. Also, I get to feel like one of those talking heads on E! or VH1, who gets to make “best of” lists. Now, make sure to read this and then go enjoy yourselves a thug holiday. I have no idea what prompted that, except that I can’t stop listening to Trick Daddy. Trick love da kids.
1. Britney In Vegas Sans Assistant Or Dignity – I almost stopped reading because I figured that when the post started with “Our Lady Of The Ring Ding,” that it couldn’t possibly end as funnily as it started. Oh, but I was wrong. Oh, so wrong. Also, J. uses words like “sans” cause he’s all literary and stuffs.
2. Naomi Watts Gives A Child To The World, Lindsay Lohan Not The Father – First of all, I’m always happy to read any posts that include a Ri-Ri Harvey reference. The woman is becoming a legend in my mind, from the bits and pieces I’ve read in J.’s posts. And the graphic scene J. paints of his own birth makes me really, really want to meet his mama.
3. I Think It’s Time For This Entire Family To Shut The Hell Up – I know this is one post right after the other and it’s making me look like I’m clumping, but seriously, “BWAHAHA!” J. basically says what everyone else is afraid to say to the Lohans. He’s dropping serious truth bombs left and right.
4. There’s Trouble In Knocked Up To Avoid Jail Land – I love this title, but I pray to God that I never, ever have to visit this troubled little country.
5. Paula Abdul Denies Slutty Dolls Fired Her – Is it wrong that I picked this one based solely on J.’s description of the movie in question as, “live action tween girl dolls getting donkey punched”? Well, then, I don’t know that I want to be right.