Friday Five: J. Harvey’s Top Five

Things are heating up here in Los Angeles, with the summer fast approaching and that bikini in the back of your closet looking at you with those judging eyes. Stop that, you polka-dotted, hateful bitch! And so, to distract you from the evils that lurk in our closets, J. Harvey is here, providing witty insights and flights of celebrity fancy to soothe your troubled soul. Because that’s what he’s paid to do. And he’s durn good at it.

1. I Wouldn’t Sleep With George Michael Anytime Soon – George Michael has scared himself out of being emotionally capable of going and getting himself an AIDS test. And J. Harvey is here to tell you that no, being a gay man does not necessarily mean that you are living your life like a “Queer is Folk” marathon and that even though it’s scary, get thee to an AIDS testery! J.’s post reads like what all public service announcements should sound like. Maybe if he were in charge of them, we would have won the war on drugs! Hoo-ah!

2. Cocaine Makes You Paranoid – Oh, Brittany Murphy. I think we all know that the trouble started when you got skinny. And stayed that way. We love you, but still, you gots to lay off the “diet supplements.”

3. Surf’s Up – See, we don’t hate all celebs. In fact, we really do like most of them. And when we see them doing stuff that we can understand, like trying surfing in an uncomfortable, not-exactly-the-most-flattering outfit on the planet, we give them props. For proving that they are also human like us.

4. Victoria Beckham’s Closet Is Elaborate – And on that note, let’s switch gears to a woman who does everything in her power to dispel the theory that her being is constituted of primarily organic matter. Vicky’s living like a Bratz doll/Jetson. I’m a bit jealous, if not confused as to how it works. I think it uses X-rays.

5. Pink Taco Opens – And what would my week be without at least one filthy blog post title?