Friday Five: J. Harvey’s Top Five

Oh, J. Harvey. The celebrity gossip is in full bloom this season and we’re both enjoying the fruits of some well-plowed fields of speculation. And even though this week’s been a bit on the mild side, there’s been a steady stream of easy celebrity targets for J. to take aim with his laptop and fire away the zingers. I like to imagine it looks a lot like him shooting lasers.

1. Crone Gets Star – From title to end, this is about the funniest post I’ve read in a long time. I’m not even going to quote it cause I want you all to read it all in its entirety. I shan’t spoil it for you.

2. “No, Sweetie, We Had You So Mommy Didn’t Have To Go To Jail….” – J. basically expresses what we all find so suspicious in the timing of Nicole Richie’s mystery pregnancy. Also, he threatens to miscarry himself, which because I believe J. Harvey can do anything he sets his mind to, is a valid threat.

3. She’s Almost Smaller Than He Is – J. pinpoints the all-too-common reason that there are as many sociopaths in the world as there are. And J.’s a scientist as well as a gifted snark-dispenser, so I know he’s right.

4. Movies About God Aren’t Funny Unless They’re With George Burns And John Denver – AMEN! Seriously, I was obsessed with those movies as a kid and quite frankly, it’s blasphemy to imply that God is anyone besides an elderly Jewish comedian with thick glasses and a cigar.

5. Ali Lohan Victim Of Dog Lady Smear Campaign – J. has opened my eyes to the danger of pissing off “dog fanciers” and why it would be best to just back off quietly when faced with one who is enraged, and to do so without so much as baring my teeth at them.

Tags: J. Harvey