With J. Harvey and me talking our trash on two different coasts, we never really get the chance to go, “OMG, you’re so FUNNY! No, YOU are! No, seriously. Stop arguing with me, bitch and learn to take a fucking compliment.”
Very often, I’m sitting in my kitchen, catching up on my boy’s recaps or reading his take on starlets and their inconsistent use of underwear, when some stray comment causes me to nearly spit out my coffee onto my keyboard. And even though I would be seriously pissed if that happened (I only have one computer, y’all–I ain’t ballin’ out of control just yet…), I have to give Mr. J. Harvey a shout-out for being one funny sumbitch.
So, without further ado, here are the five posts of the week written by J.Harvey that made me go, “BWAHAHAHA! Awesome.”
1. Britney Actually Working on Her Album – Yes, this post is about Britney FINALLY getting her ass into the record studio to do some work, but please note J.’s underlying rage about his stolen wallet, cause that’s my favorite part.
2. Victoria Beckham is Just Slightly Hypocritical – This post is about Vicky slamming too-skinny models. “In other news, fire is no longer associating itself with hot.” HA!
3. Crazy Bitches Act Out On…Celebrity Fit Club? – I’m pretty much just a slut for any post that has the term “crazy bitches” in it.
4. Ugly Betty: Burqua Bitch Revealed! – J.’s recaps always make me feel like I have a bitchy friend next to me, poking me in the shoulder going, “Girl, what the F is Betty wearing NOW?” And I like that because it’s nice to pretend you have friends.
5. James Brown’s Widow Sues For Her Gold-Digging Profits – Any man who knows how to throw down a good “kids playing with guns” joke is a man after my own heart.