Standing out on the red carpet, waiting for the roasters and roastee (I think I just invented that word. You’re welcome…), I found it fitting that I was myself roasting in the sun as I waited for the promised celebrities to arrive. I kept from getting too grouchy by chatting with MK from Popbytes and a very charming Rich from Four Four, one of my all-time favorite blogs. He writes for VH1.com and Celebreality these days and is so cute in person, that were I not already spoken for by a hot stud of a man, I might have very fruitlessly attempted to throw myself at him.
Luckily, though, cloud cover and breeze showed up to keep me from any more annoying premature aging from sun damage and potential awkward moments, and soon thereafter, the stars for which we’d been waiting started arriving. Lisa Lampanelli, the “Queen of Mean,” was one of the first people I had a chance to chat with and force to pose for pictures. I had snagged a spot next to MK, that was free because the “Black Voices AOL” people ended up not showing up and I totally co-opted their premium location. Lisa took one look at me, asking in a very suspicious voice, “Are you from Black Voices AOL?” Before I could explain that I was actually an impostor, she roller her eyes and teased, “I guess the Jews really are taking over the media.” Ha! It had already started and I wasn’t even supposed to be getting roasted. And I’m not even Jewish. Tough crowd! But seriously, I HEART Lisa. And not just because she was rocking the kitten heels and blue toenail polish.
Many more photos from the Flavor Flav roast, and tales from the purple carpet after the jump.
(Hint: To open larger images of the photos in a new window or tab, chose the photo, and use the right click option on your mouse.)
And then the “Flavor of Love/Charm School” ladies started arriving. It was a good thing that I had Rich to my left, so that I could have a good view of him interacting with the chicas, all of whom flocked to him immediately as if they were all old friends, posing for pictures and then forcing him to allow them to look at the pictures to make sure that they approved of his handiwork. Buckwild was just happy that anybody even knew who the hell she was, the poor thing. I’m not sure why, but New York was nowhere to be seen–perhaps she’s off filming a new series, but in any case, all of the ladies who showed up were on their best behavior…unfortunately.
Brigitte Nielsen had very recently finished up her stint in rehab and was all smiles at the event, saying that she was looking forward to her new life, making fun of Flav and chatted about her marriage. I have to say, as much as this woman is insane (I’ve seen her shenanigans on TV), I have to admit that I found her utterly charming as she chatted with us with such a friendly smile on her face that I couldn’t help but root for her. Also, she’s so tall and statuesque that her presence on the red carpet was really quite striking.
Now for Ice-T and Coco. Now, I’ll be honest, when I first saw pix of Coco, with her fake boobs, aggressive tan and white-blonde hair, I thought for sure that this was one scary, sexually aggressive chica. Especially if this woman is able to roll with Ice-T and live to tell the tale. And not to mention the outfits, which my sister, Heidi describes as “spandex spider-webs that just barely cover her important parts.” However, meeting her in person was the strangest thing, because she’s actually got a really sweet, unassuming persona in person. Granted, the boobs are still ridiculous, but she was dressed in a relatively demure dress. I mean, she was practically Amish Coco that night. Needless to say, I now officially heart Coco.
Carrot Top scared the living bejeesus out of me. He’s perfectly friendly, but everything about him looks so terrifyingly muscled and orange that he looks more like a man wearing a Carrot Top costume than an actual person. Speaking of crazy muscles, Joanie Laurer was also there, but aside from her aggressive cleavage and puffy lips, is actually looking much softer and feminine these days. All in all, I’d say it was one of my most successful red-carpet adventures to date. Snoop Dogg and Flavor were running a bit late and only had time to breeze through, so I didn’t get a chance to chat, but maybe next time. I’ll just have to try out for “Flavor of Love” to get some good pictures. I have a feeling my nickname will be something along the lines of, “Caffeinated.”