FINALLY! The Baby-Daddy Mystery Will Be Solved!

(Splash)

After all the hemming and hawing and judges bawling and getting high in public, Dannielynn, Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, is on her way to get DNA-tested to reveal the identity of her father. TMZ reports that that a judge in the Bahamas ordered that Dannielynn undergo a paternity test, which could take up to four days to process, according to MSNBC.

Since I’ve finally already resigned myself to the fact that it’s biologically and logistically impossible that I could be the father, I’m sort of over the whole “results” thing. But at least I’ll be getting some closure, which is a poor substitute for the millions of dollars for which I was hoping, but I guess it’s better than nothing.