Father Of The Year Should Avoid His Website

Alec Baldwin is hearing it from bitches on his website, complaing about that phone message where he called his 11 year-old daughter a “pig”. Seriously, that kind of parenting should be lauded. Kids today need to hear what their parents really think of them. The day my Mom called me a “sleazy, slimy bastard” and told me the “best part of you stayed in the rubber” was the day I became a man. I was 12 and stuff, but you’re never too young to feel the benefit of the real world kicking you in the gut and walking away, chuckling in that genteel whiskey voice and smoking from a cigarette holder and due on the set of “30 Rock”.

Writes “Wendy”: “Never call your daughter a pig or brainless. She will carry this in her heart forever. Words are like toothpaste; once they come out there’s no putting them back where they came from.”

Seconds “Kayla”: “Grow up and think of that CHILD. Be a man for once. There is no way on EARTH you can justify calling your child a pig. NONE.”

In the voicemail, which appeared on TMZ.com last week, Baldwin, 49, calls Ireland, his daughter with Kim Basinger, a “rude little pig” and threatens to “straighten your ass out.”

Remind me to remember that “toothpaste” line. That shit is a keeper. Let’s face it. Ireland’s got two mental patients for parents. One’s calling her a “pig” and the other’s leaking it to websites. Sometimes I think there should like a background check, or some sort of licensing system for parents. I know that’s a little Orwellian and stuff but he called his eleven-year-old daughter a pig! That guy shouldn’t be allowed to own Sea Monkeys.

Tags: Alec Baldwin