If this is what I missed, I’m happy I’m out of town for it.
My friend who lives in L.A. told me while she was taking the trash out she saw a methed up Jessica Simpson run onto the street naked from her hotel. Then, after noticing a make-shift, blue tent-like structure across the street, she raced over and pulled off a blue tarp that was providing shelter for a poor (yet warm L.A.) bum. He angrily demanded compensation, so Jess tossed him her 7-11 CD she just happened to have on hand since no one really bought them and she had a lot of extras. As Jessica sat down to begin configuring today’s outfit, she did not realize that her rump and legs were atop a chalk diagram neccesary for the children’s game of hop scotch. When she stood up with her brilliantly conveived and perfectly executed blue plastic outfit, she realized her legs were all chaulky blue but with some spots of skin showing from sitting on the hop scotch game! She shrugged this off, wanting to add a bit of red to her outfit. Luckily, the Durex Condom company truck parked in front of her hotel (to make a delivery to Nick since he knows he can get away with extra-marital affairs since Jess is so addicted to meth and Louis Vuitton and thus doesn’t notice) and she ran over and stole a whole case of red condoms. For the next 45-55 minutes, she proceeded to intricately stich together all the condoms to create a beautiful outfit. After all this running around on the filthy L.A. streets, Jessica realized that she didn’t want foot fungus like Britney and went back to the bum and stole his used ace bandage that he used to get pity donations (he said he was in the Gulf War and lost an eye, but this is untrue) and proceeded to wrap the bandages, yellowed and stained from 30 years of use, around her poor feet. Ta-da! What a beautiful outfit! Jessica was DEFINITELY the inspiration for this “beautiful” ensemble since she thought up the idea for herself — no help from mom or dad! And at 25 years old, that’s as much as you can hope for!
Okay that was one of the stupidest things i’ve ever heard. Thank you for the loss of my brain cells.
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