Fashion Fix: Crappy New Year’s Eve Fashion

Nothing starts the New Year quite like “worst dressed” lists and resolutions that involve living on kosher pickles and egg whites to lose weight, and we here at ASL are no exception.

Britney actually seems to be trying this time by taking a shower and changing the oil in her weave, but despite those valiant efforts, she fails miserably yet again. There is something sexy about a MILTF, but remembering that you are still a mom is key when dressing–also, you lose points when your fuck-ability comes into question. Be daring, but not delusional. The black is slimming, but the style simply isn’t doing this mother of two any favors. Ol’ Brit-Brit may have lost some of that post-baby weight, but it’s really hard to tell in that unflattering, hot mess of a dress.

Lohan is just a constant fashion disappointment. She is still painfully skinny, suffering from “The Incredible Shrinking/Growing Boobies” Syndrome and doesn’t help matters much by insisting on consistenly sporting the most hideous creations within arm’s reach. Quite frankly, throwing a black belt over a bright pink camisole, is NEVER the right answer. I don’t care what the question is.

More Fashion New Year Mistakes After the Jump.

Tara Reid is a constant offender on many a worst-dressed list and honestly, I feel almost cheap for including her on this list since it’s such a glaringly obvious choice. The poor thing looks like an over-worked drag queen, who–on a good day–smells like poppers, ass and a weak, ineffective spritz of “Glow.” While she makes a good choice by selecting the always slimming black (Have you heard? Black is the new black.), the sparkles on her dress are viciously revealing every detail of exactly what she should be trying to conceal. I’m just glad she doesn’t look like she rolled out of an all-night frat party.

While I normally love the down-home appeal of “The Surreal Life” vixen, Adrienne Curry, this style is best kept for the likes of over-the-top, Pamela Anderson. The shoes are cute but I can’t distract myself enough from the frilly that takes over the dress. And seriously, you don’t get to brag about finding something from Forever 21 that only cost you $29.99 and wearing it out, if people consistently guess that’s where you bought it.

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