Evil Genius In Bahamian Mansion Not So Genius, Throws In The Towel

Howard K. Stern, perhaps realizing that his move to block DNA testing basically made him look like the kidnapper that he is, gave it up .

The lawyer-turned-partner of Anna Nicole Smith dropped his bid Monday to halt the use of DNA to prove the paternity of the former Playboy playmate’s infant daughter when it appeared a Bahamas court was going to reject his appeal. An attorney for Howard K. Stern withdrew the challenge in the face of skeptical questioning by a three-judge panel of the Court of Appeal.

All three judges said Stern filed his challenge too late and should have raised his objections before the Supreme Court ordered DNA testing in the paternity challenge filed by Larry Birkhead, a former boyfriend of Smith’s who claims to be the father of the infant, Dannielynn.

Justice Emmanuel E. Osadebay noted that Stern himself had agreed to DNA testing — and even suggested an expert to do the analysis — but waited until a week after the sample was taken to file the a challenge to the court’s decision.

“His problem is that the person he wanted to do the testing was not the one selected by the court,” Osadebay said.

No, honey, his problem was that the kid ain’t his and belongs to the hairdo guy and he knows it. And everyone knows it. But I am gonna look like a damn fool if it turns out to be Zsa Zsz Gabor’s husband, Prince I Need Attention’s kid. Or one of the bodyguards. Shit, I shouldn’t be so strident. Ok, let’s just all agree that the kid doesn’t belong to Howard K. Stern and we can move on from there. At this point, I would be ok with the baby being mine and Lisa Timmons being the father. At least then we would know she would be snarky, look great with a martini and know how to shoplift a canned ham. I’ll let you decide which of those qualities are Lisa’s and which are mine.