Eva Mendes Is A Johnny Depp Fanilow

October 26th, 2007 // 16 Comments

How come there aren’t any magazines like this featuring dudes? Seriously, I want to see shots of Scott Caan rubbing his chest on a wall. Or god help me, Joey Fatone lying on his belly in sheer shorts and looking playful yet seductive. Here’s Eva Mendes in “Maxim” magazine. She says that when she worked with Johnny Depp on “Once Upon A Time In Mexico”, she wanted to never stop loving him.

She says: “All of my screen kisses were the best, though I regret not kissing Johnny for longer… It was the first time I had worked with an actor who I had a crush on as a little girl.”

All of them? Not one of those dudes was a gay with garlic breath? Or coked up and looking for realism so much so that he was licking the back of your tonsils? You can’t tell me Will Smith is a good kisser. She worked with him on “Hitch”. He seems a little too convinced of his own greatness to seem like a giver and hit that perfect combination of lips and tongue and the correct balance between dry and wet. Know what I hate? When a dude uses his tongue like he’s trying to pierce your very soul and makes it rigid as if it’s a substitute peen. And he’s like POKING you with that tongue and practically chipping the enamel off your teeth? There should be a class. Sorry, I had to counteract all this Eva Mendes flesh with some man lovin’.

Check out Eva Mendes’ Maxim cover after the jump.

By J. Harvey
  1. socialitelovah

    I do not understand what the fuss is about this Eva Mendes. She is boring, who is she? And I totally agree, how come there is no magazine cover with Jakey in tighty-whities lying in bed – Now that is something I would like to see!

  2. ickivicki

    Sorry, I gotta disagree w/ you socialitelovah. I think she’s very pretty and does a good job of comming across as sexy, w/out being slutty (imagine that).

    I think a magazine cover w/ Wentworth Miller lying in bed would be HOT! I’d buy it ;)

  3. Zekers

    I think she’s quite pretty…

    J. Harvey, you crack me up and I agree, there should be a class for how to kiss! While no one has ever “chipped the enamel” off my teeth, I’ve had a few that could have used some ‘schooling’ in the art of a the kiss!

  4. T-Bone

    These photos are beautiful, actually, especially the third one. Eva doesn’t seem to push herself on the world. Her sort of “under the radar” method is actually working for her.

  5. Phil Shubano

    Yo, J. Harvey,

    How about cutting back on the gay stuff? It’s funny sometimes but most people don’t like when you go into details like this … and if you’re thinking “don’t read it then” then fuck you, I won’t.

    And if you’re thinking “how do you know what most people like and don’t like?” I know because most people are hetero (like me) and think man-on-man details are gross. And finally, if you’re thinking “why didn’t I just pass this post on to someone else on the staff” then you’re starting to understand.

  6. queencrone

    If we DO get a kissing school started, I’d like to apply to be one of the instructors. :-)

  7. Chilly

    Yo Phil,

    Quit being a sissy. And please speak for yourself only.

    BTW J.Harvey your posts are the reason I read ASL, keep up the good work!

  8. Karen

    I agree with Chilly. J. Harvey, you rock!

  9. Phil Shubano

    Yeah, I’m a sissy because I made a small request, Chilly.

    J. Harvey should learn how to spellcheck also.

    I’m not sayin’ J. Harvey doesn’t “rock” because I think he’s pretty funny, but he gets a little carried away with the gay details sometimes.

    If his goal is to push away the hetero readers, keep on keepin’ on.

    Chilly, you worry about yourself, your own miserable life, and how you’re going to get your foot IN your ass after conquering the feat of getting your fist in there. Congrats on that by the way.

  10. Jane

    Phil,

    You know what they say about hetero’s that can’t deal with gay topics….maybe ur a secret ‘mo yourself!

  11. Jane

    Phil,

    You know what they say about hetero’s that can’t deal with gay topics….maybe you have some issues to work out?

  12. Jan

    C’mon she’s ugly, Salma Hayek is way better than this girl who by the way looks like tranny eww

  13. mohammad

    she is very nice

  14. Razu

    You are a noty and hot girl.I like you

  15. ajit

    eva mendes good

  16. cuba

    well i think eva mendes is gorgeous rather a godess. god took he’s time to create such a perfect woman. whoever think different is either a fag or a fucking blind or a hater. regarless she’s simple the best

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