Eva Mendes Is A Johnny Depp Fanilow

How come there aren’t any magazines like this featuring dudes? Seriously, I want to see shots of Scott Caan rubbing his chest on a wall. Or god help me, Joey Fatone lying on his belly in sheer shorts and looking playful yet seductive. Here’s Eva Mendes in “Maxim” magazine. She says that when she worked with Johnny Depp on “Once Upon A Time In Mexico”, she wanted to never stop loving him.

She says: “All of my screen kisses were the best, though I regret not kissing Johnny for longer… It was the first time I had worked with an actor who I had a crush on as a little girl.”

All of them? Not one of those dudes was a gay with garlic breath? Or coked up and looking for realism so much so that he was licking the back of your tonsils? You can’t tell me Will Smith is a good kisser. She worked with him on “Hitch”. He seems a little too convinced of his own greatness to seem like a giver and hit that perfect combination of lips and tongue and the correct balance between dry and wet. Know what I hate? When a dude uses his tongue like he’s trying to pierce your very soul and makes it rigid as if it’s a substitute peen. And he’s like POKING you with that tongue and practically chipping the enamel off your teeth? There should be a class. Sorry, I had to counteract all this Eva Mendes flesh with some man lovin’.

Check out Eva Mendes’ Maxim cover after the jump.