Eva Longoria Just Needs To Shut Up

January 17th, 2006 // 29 Comments

Apparently, Eva Longoria doesn’t realize that there are certain things that the public really doesn’t need to know. For instance, that she couldn’t obtain an orgasm until she had a Brazilian wax.

The ‘Desperate Housewives’ beauty admits she had a lacklustre sex life and struggled to reach orgasm until four years ago – when she had her first Brazilian.

She said: “Before, when I had sex I used to think afterwards, ‘Did I? Er… I think so’. I was never really sure.” After having the thorough waxing, the actress says everything changed. She said: “It opened the door to a whole new sexual side of me.”

The 30-year-old added: “The first time I did it after the wax I was like, ‘What’s going on with my body? Oh, my God!’ “Now I’m becoming more orgasmic with age, which is awesome. I can’t wait until I’m 40. If it keeps increasing this way, watch out world!”

I guess we could call it her public service announcement for the Brazilian waxing industry.

Eva Longoria’s great Brazilian sex [Female First]

By Miu von Furstenberg

  1. honeypeach

    Who the hell cares, you nasty-ass racist bitch…

  2. Anna

    Just SHUT THE HELL UP, Eva. No one cares about you or your life or anything about you! She isn’t as beautiful as she thinks she is and with that ego, it’s going to be a hard fall when she tumbles back into reality!

  3. Fugly Girl

    I hate this douche bag!

  4. Jess

    Oh GAWD! When I look at her, I think to myself, I’ve seen so many others that look exactly like her. She is nothing special and I have no idea why she is popular or being paid for her paltry acting. Please!

  5. Suzy Cheesecake

    I live in San Antonio where she was “all dat” for awhile because she was screwing one of the SA Spurs – Tony Parker. But then she (a Mexican) was heard snapping racial slurs about “just a Mexican bike cop who wants your autograph” to Tony. And it was heard by two cops.

    And so now people are looking at her a bit differently here. Which is grand.

    Because Eva is, after all, a two-bit, trashy, rode-hard-put-up-wet, over-the-hill flea-bitten pageant whore from Corpus Christi.

  6. Lari

    I also live in SA and being a Spurs fan I have had my fill of Eva. I think she is dragging down the image of the Spurs with trash like this and the story about her intimate tatoo. I wish Tony would find a decent lady.

  7. Lara

    i don’t see how this is even possible. i’ve had a brazilian, and while it feels slightly different, its certainly not going to make someone magically have orgasms. unless, of course, she was monsterously hairy before. which, okay, i can actually believe.

  8. AH

    Hey Jackass, Its a year old comment. If you want her to shut up then don’t print anything that she says. Moron.

  9. Suzy Cheesecake

    I was in a stationery store in Olmos Park in September working on my wedding announcements and her raggedy ass came in. To their credit, they didn’t swoop down on her and act like she was anything more special than any other customer.

    I was getting very elegant engraved work done, but with a twist. They were red handmade/mouldmade paper with gold lettering because we got married in Las Vegas. All very proper, and formal, but red and gold.

    She repeated about five times that she wanted some personal stationery that was “CLASSY, y’know, CLASSY, but fun, right?” So the woman showed her mine. And she wrinkled her nose and said they looked “cheesy.”

    And the woman explained to her that those were actually the costliest ones they sold, explained the paper-making process, etc. And said she was putting it the sample book because they were beautiful and highly original.

    I sat there, smirking, and minded my own business.

    Twenty bucks says that piece of Corpus Christi pageant trash has red engraved stationery with gold lettering. TWENTY BUCKS!

  10. tracey

    great headline. says it all. brevity rules!

  11. Bernardo

    Suzy Cheesecake. Stop sucking your own dick.

  12. Katie

    Her dad must be so proud.

  13. ShoeSlut

    I feel bad for repeating myself so I apologize to those of you who may have already read my Eva comment but I must, must , MUST say:

    Please stop running stories on Diva LongWHORia!

  14. King Smart Ian

    Red wedding invitations with gold lettering are neither proper nor formal, although I grant you they do sound “highly original” and appropriate for a Vegas wedding.

  15. Hard-On

    This bitch just needs a cock in her mouth, and I’d gladly lend her mine. She’s just a over-rated dumb bitch….

  16. Pixel

    Are you fucking nuts, I can’t get enough of her describing her brazilian wax! That is so smokin’ hot!

  17. CatrachoMillonario

    She’s right in trying a brazilian
    a brazilian girl
    they’re so HOT!!

  18. It’s been reported that Eva was spotted canoodling with Jamie Foxx after the Golden Globes so she apparently has dumped Tony Parker for someone more famous.

  19. Ricky

    man thats soo fucking hott shes soo fuckin fyne damn, fuck all u haters that say she aint ugly, sorry shes not as fake as that gross fake stupid ass jessica simpson. This girl is like a 20 damn id do her in a heart beat!!!

  20. pig

    Pixel is just a dumb dog in Maple Leaf. Shut up. Woof.

  21. T.J.

    Suzy Cheesecake ~ Both you and the napkins are fucking tacky. How long have been waiting for an opportunity to post that lame comment? Please don’t bother giving us any additional info on your skeevy Vegas wedding. We don’t give a shit.

  22. Joe

    You people need to gets lives. Why do you know, or care, so much what this person does? Get lives.

  23. Peaches

    I agree with the guy who asked Vegas wedding Bride to stop sucking her own dick.

    Red & gold wedding invitations? That does not sound classy in any way. Eva has SOME taste then.

  24. susiegrl

    Gee, her parents must be sooo proud!
    (Maybe they could include her little gem of info on their next Christmas card!)

  25. Silasdog

    Gee, she really did all right for herself after she left working the back room of El Panchito’s in Tijuana. Ole’ baby.

  26. jc944

    Actually for her it would be ANDALE!!!! OLE is from Spain.

  27. showgurls

    Suzy Cheesecake do your thing girl. Congrats. Who cares what Eva said. As long as you are happy it could have been written in crayon on construction paper.

  28. Adele

    Will someone please tell us, well me at least…whats the difference between a Brazilian from one in the USA? I mean, they both have the same goal right?

  29. Jaded

    Ha,ha – funny comment “Adele”. The term “brazilian” refer to the STYLE of waxing, NOT the country where it is done!! It simply means that all of it is waxed off…

Leave A Comment