Endless Misery 2: What Happened Inside The Hotel Room With Britney And The College Tool Who Sold Her Ass Out

August 8th, 2007 // 32 Comments

Oh, what a mess. When you’re insane, “discreet” flies out the window. And you know these pics he sold are gonna be passed around the frat house for generations. In between homoerotic hazing activity. Anyway, as we reported earlier, Britney hooked up with an extra on the set of her video. And after underwater antics, they adjourned back to the hotel room for some retard sex. And he’s proclaiming he slept with a famous crazy to the hills and back!

He said: “I went in and found Britney lying on the bed with her knees up and just a pair of pink panties on. She was looking like she was ready – and I wanted to finalise it. She straddled me and put her legs around me. When I started kissing her I did everything in my power – from my previous experience of kissing girls – not to mess it up.
Britney had more drinks – she was having Jack and more Mojitos in between me feeling her up, her boobs, and kissing her on her neck. Her body was very nice. It was sexual and sensual kissing. It took some effort to perfect.
She is a great kisser – I’d actually say a phenomenal kisser.”

He was planning to spend the rest of the night in her bed — until one of his friends collapsed and nearly drowned from all the booze he had downed. Britney’s bodyguards stepped in and ordered Mike to take his mate home.

Mike added: “In the end we had to say our goodbyes.”

How sad. “Effort to perfect”? He sounds like the kind of guy who’s heated a melon in the microwave for nefarious reasons. So when the bodyguard popped in was she like “ya’ll bettah git! I’m gettin’ my swerve on! And fetch me a ham sandwich! I git hungry aftah lovin’!” Ugh. WHERE’S YOUR KIDS?

By J. Harvey

  1. Zekers

    The guy is a major sleeze-bag to do this…one thing to brag to his buddies…another to attempt to profit from it. Wow, Britney really, please go get some testing/counseling before you end up dead.
    I’m finding it very difficult to joke about her anymore, she needs help, badly.
    Who has the kids?

  2. green cardigan

    J.H – You are a scream.

    This college boy sounds like a Spanner (not to mention a toe rag for selling his story).
    ‘I wanted to finalise it.’ Who does he think he is , The F/cking Terminator?

    And the friend nearly drowning in the pool while yer man is upstairs playing tonsil hockey. Oh God, what a pack of morons.
    I reckon you could count their collective brain cells on one hand.

  3. PleaseToEnjoy

    no…. no… no you didn’t say…melon in the microwave…. no….

  4. Michelle

    Well her & Kevin have joint custody so it would make sense if Kevin has them. But this story is disgusting. I love that he took the time to point out he had “previous experience kissing girls”. I’m thinking you’ve got something with that melon theory, J.

  5. LoRider

    Don’t hate a playa for gettin his. This is 100% Britney and the guy was just doing what guys do. Dude wanted to “finalise it” by closing the deal and telling all his buds back at the frat house he’s had K-Fed’s sow – Mission Accomplished. She gets what she gets and hopefully K-Fed will get the kids and huge child support from this cun+.

    Hopefully the college dude will get tested.

    Ride Lo

  6. Jinxy McDeath

    I LOVE the image of retard sex with anything Britney! Unfortunately it sounds like a bunch of shit an English rag made up, or embellished – you lost me at “mate” describing his friend drowning… like a hotel wouldn’t call the EMT’s and risk a law suit.

    Still fun to see her embarassed again and again.

  7. Oh that Brit! PURE CLASS!!!

    I’m moving her up to #2 on my death-watch list! She’s may even pass up Lohan soon!

  8. T-Bone

    She drinks and makes out with men — big deal. I was an idiot when I was her age as well. Weren’t we all.

    The major concern here is more the kids and whether or not she’s doing a bunch of drugs on top of her drinking. She’s constantly removing her clothing, which means that either she has the body temperature of a dinosaur or she’s doing major drugs. Get help Brit!

  9. Ruby Jackson

    Remember K-Fed’s lawyer/mouthpiece said they were not going to play out the custody transfer of the kids in the media? There have never been ANY pictures of them dropping off/picking up the kids. So, it’s probably K-Fed’s week with the boys.

    And T-Bone, she’s got two children, which makes ‘her age’ a little bit of a different story. She’s really acting out the adolescence she missed when she was working, but it’s time for her to step into an ADULT role, because that’s what those boys are looking to her for. She is going to be their example model of what a mother/adult is, and man… that’s gonna be years of therapy to unravel.

  10. Zekers

    I used to have trouble keeping clothing on my bi-polar clients…in manic phase they were very sexual.
    …and LoRider, I don’t blame the guy for going there, I blame him for running to the media about it, kinda makes him equally as trashy. I have a feeling you are going to get your wish, K-Fed will probably end up with the children-poor kids-screwed on both counts.
    …and T-Bone, I was pretty wild when I was her age too, but my wildness was controlled within, she just doesn’t have the capacity to consider the consequences-which makes me think, like you, that there is something majorly imbalanced up there…

  11. Ruby Jackson

    A little off-topic, but what Zekers said about being unable to consider consequences…

    When Brit crashed her car into the parked station wagon, didn’t anyone notice she was driving with her dog on her lap? Just like when she was driving with her son on her lap? Girl does not learn!

    She could have made the turn if she would put BOTH HANDS on the wheel and get the thing that’s obstructing the steering wheel out of the way! Why don’t the cops cite her?

  12. green cardigan

    Her problem is she’s not living in reality. She’s probably been pandered to all her life. She brought in the dollars so everyone said yes to her every little whim. She talks about herself in the third person , how out of touch is that?
    It doesn’t look like she has coping skills. It looks like she needs the drink and possibly drugs to be ‘happy’ and ‘fun’.
    I don’t know how she can develop those survival skills, she needs someone who genuinely cares about her to look after her.

    and man, she must sweat under those wigs.

  13. 2 Old 4 This

    I was out of contol at her age as well.
    Single and unfettered by offspring.

    However, her life’s circumstances should dictate more mature/responsible behavior – no?

    It’s becoming sickening to witness. Where can I buy a Britney blocker?

  14. Zekers

    “…a Britney blocker?”

    Good one!

  15. Yeah, a lot of us have been drunk and made out with boys.

    What we didn’t do is neglect two children, abuse drugs, contantly get photographed naked or various states of undress, shave our heads, attack cars, hit cars, collect and abandon animals etc…etc…

    She is psycho trash. She should be locked in a padded room and never heard from again. Or humanely euthanized. Either or. Their choice.

  16. holls

    This is freakin’ awesome!

  17. T-Bone

    Ruby has a good point. She never had an adolescence, like the rest of us. She’s playing that out. If she didn’t have children, we probably wouldn’t be making such a big deal out of her current antics. They’d seem fairly normal for a 25 year old. We all drank, we all made out with people, we all stripped down, tested the waters and got into trouble (or maybe that was just me;). But the question remains — is she doing major drugs or is she exhibiting bipolar behavior or both? If so, I’m more concerned about her than I am angry with her or disgusted by her, like so many out here.

  18. peachpie

    ok. so what have i missed along the path of my life? melons? microwave? wtf? somebody lay it out there for me please. or email me. i really don’t want to resort to asking my officemates about this.

  19. peachpie

    ok. so what have i missed along the path of my life? melons? microwave? wtf? somebody lay it out there for me please. or email me. i really don’t want to resort to asking my officemates about this.

  20. Zil

    ok, so sometimes a girl gets a little randy, too…but what gets me is, not only did this tool run post haste to the tabs, but that this college boy apparently is well versed in high school chick lit! I’m sorry most of the guys I went to college with would never say “I wanted to finalise it.” Damn dude, back away from the Emily Dickenson…

  21. stolidog

    My Goodness she’s a little Ho Ho isn’t she?…and she shook when we kissed like a bowl full of jelly.

    she’s G-ross. I wonder if while they were kissing he ran her fingers through her hair and it came off?

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, she’s NOT mentally ill…She’s a bitch hopped up on too much meth, coke, adderall, and cheetos.

  22. Zekers

    I would agree with the possibility that she is doing Meth because of her sexual overtness BUT if she was doing what you say (stolidog) then I would have expected to see some MAJOR weight loss…that hasn’t happened though…

  23. green cardigan

    No, the Cheetos are keeping her on a nice even keel, weight wise.

  24. Zekers

    Oh…yes, the Cheetos…

  25. green cardigan

    I actually think her new fragrance ‘Believe’ smells like cheese. They should rename it really ‘Breeze of Cheese’ or something exotic like that

  26. Ruby Jackson

    “Breeze of Cheese”!!!!!

    ha ha ha ha ha


  27. T-Bone

    Good point, Zekers, she isn’t really losing any weight, so I question the whole Meth/coke claim. You know it’s interesting, because SOOOO many celebrities who start out in the Hollywood biz. so young, end up like this. It seems to be a case of too much too soon mixed with a non-existent childhood, that triggers such a skewed sense of reality.
    I hope she pulls it together for herself AND her kids.

  28. …and i hope she takes a long leap off of a tall cliff. to each his own.

  29. OoooWeee! She is one big ole mess!

    Green Cardigan,
    ‘Breeze of Cheese’ Brilliant as always!

  30. God, that is just so painful to even hear about. Everyone sounds like such an ass. Him for screwing her even though she’s totally wasted and incompetent, her for refusing to take a good look at how she’s behaving and taking some responsibility, and his friend for drinking so much he almost dies.

    What idiots. I don’t know how such dumb people survive.

  31. Persistent Cat

    Seriously, he just doesn’t sound right. He’s 21 and he’s bragging about his kissing experience??? Is he a virgin? And kissing? What would he mess up? Did he mean he didn’t want to prematurely shoot? And going on about the kissing? If she was pissed drunk, I know what kind of kissing that is. Sloppy and awful.

    I read Evil Beet’s blog entry of this right before I read this one. They had a good point. She’s single, she’s of age, so is he. So what? She has joint custody of the kids, he probably has them. And even if he didn’t, I’m sure they aren’t alone and it happened at night when they would be in bed (with a nanny or sitter or whatever rich people have, an army of people).

  32. lilly

    well my dad once called britney spears britney shields (I guess since brooke shields)……

    then we had the idea for britney shields! get yours now!

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