Elin Nordegren Impersonated Tiger Via Text

Two sources corroborated a minute-by-minute report to the Daily Beast of what really went down at the Woods household on Thanksgiving. It turns out, Elin Nordegren went straight up middle school on Tiger Woods, impersonating him in text messages from his phone to one of his many mistresses, Rachel Uchitel.

Mind you, this whole incident was prompted after Elin’s concern over an upcoming National Enquirer article that claimed an affair between Uchitel and Woods. So he thought it might be a good idea to put the two ladies on the phone in an effort to prove to his wife the relationship was platonic (while also proving he knows nothing about women). An enterprising Elin then did some texting while he was konked out on Ambien.

“I miss you,” she wrote to Uchitel. “When I am going to see you again?”

Doesn’t it take you back to those preteen days when you impersonated people on fake AIM accounts? Oh…maybe that’s just me.

After some compromising answers, Nordegren called her up to which Uchitel could only reply, “Fuck.” Nordegren woke Tiger up, screaming at him, after which Tiger sent Uchitel a panicky text warning Uchitel that Elin had found out about the affair and suggesting that divorce was in his future. Elin quickly found this text (as well as a golf club) and you know what happens next.

Nordegren was most recently pictured getting lunch with her
children at a Thai restaurant in Orlando. She reportedly just spent the
last five days with Tiger at the Gentle Path sex rehab in Mississippi
and returned to Orlando yesterday.