Guy With Coolest Name Ever Wins “Dancing With The Stars”

November 28th, 2007 // 3 Comments

What kinda kickass telenovela name is Helio Castroneves? He should be covering women with honey and showing them what it’s all about with that name! He will love you up, and then he will love you down! Helio is a Brazilian race-car driver and two-time Indianapolis 500 winner and he won “Dancing With The Stars” last night! Ok, I don’t watch the show, so I can’t actually feel any of the excitement. When Joey Fatone lost last season, I went on strike. Not a hunger strike, obviously. Anyway, Helio defeated Mel B of the Spice Ladies and Marie Osmond for the win. Did you ever think you’d read that sentence. “Dancing With The Stars” wasn’t without drama this season. We had Jane Seymour augumenting her boobs for our dancing pleasure, Marie taking the floor in some kind of dramatic faint for the judge’s sympathy and Sabrina Bryan’s (who?, some sort of Tiger Girl, or a Cheetah? Emu?) partner (in real life as well) Mark Ballas dislocated his shoulder during the finale. Sabrina is clueless about what went on as she said, “I’m not really sure what happened. He was hurting bad enough to want to go [to the hospital]. He’s a dancer so he has to take care of his body.” Did you ask him? Damn. What kind of lover are you? If this much mess is going on (plastic surgery for the winner, fainting and crazy injuries) then I think I need to return next season. Or hell – be on it! I don’t think I’m made for those pants, though. Ugh.

Photos: Splash

More reaction shots from the “Dancing With the Stars” finale after the jump.

Photos: Splash

By J. Harvey

  1. Hey, it's me

    I live in Indy and have volunteered for events surrounding the 500 and have been around some of the drivers. In person, Helio comes across as a very happy go lucky, fan friendly guy. I saw him take the time to pose for photos with fans and how he got upset when security shooed them away. All that even though his entourage included several hot Brazilian type women that he would probably have enjoyed more. Many of the other drivers couldn’t be bothered and went immediately into the building away from the masses.

  2. Loob

    “Helio defeated Mel B of the Spice Ladies and Marie Osmond for the win. Did you ever think you’d read that sentence.”

    Heheheheh! Coolest sentence, possibly ever!

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