‘Downton Abbey’ Recap: Mary The Buzzkill

New Stills From Season Four
The Cast Struts Their Stuff On Set
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen!

Now that Downton Abbey thoroughly ripped our hearts out with the finale of last season, let’s start anew in the hopes that we aren’t completely ruined in the upcoming episodes.

So remember how Matthew said that Mary was coming around and people liked her again? Well, that’s pretty much over now that Mary is essentially a zombie, draped in black, and unable to face reality. This is especially hard for her father who tends to shield her from anything that would trouble her. But drama reigns supreme in this universe and a secret is revealed!

Matthew left a letter! What? A letter. It was found among his possessions and it gives the estate to Mary rather than her newborn son, who is unable to be in charge until he comes of age. Lord Grantham aka kind of a douche most of the time, wants to run this shit-show himself, but even Tom Branson thinks that Mary would be a great leader and help around the estate. They check the legality of the letter and find out that Mary is indeed the rightful heir and now she will share responsibilities with her father, much to his misogynist chagrin.

Everyone tried to lecture and school Mary to get over her dead husband. I mean, it’s been like six months, how much more grieving time do you need Mary, you cold hearted beyotch? No, Mary should be able to take the time she needs, but even Carson is worried and tries to tell her to rejoin society. She returns the favor by ripping him a new asshole and thoroughly hurting his feelings.

Isobel decides to help Mrs. Hughes get some info from Carson about an old friend of his that showed up in town and needs assistance. Isobel gets Charlie Griggs a job in Belfast, but the two women want to figure out why Carson is such a jerk to his old pal. Turns out, Charlie stole Carson’s girl. Isn’t that sweet? Carson had a girl! But apparently, she really loved Carson the whole time after all. The two buddies makeup and Carson feels better because Mrs. Hughes buys him a picture frame to put his old dead girlfriend’s photo on display.

Meanwhile, Edith is still with that one dude who wants to marry her, but he is becoming a German citizen in order to get a divorce and make the wedding happen. And Edith remains super unsatisfied.

Oh yeah, O’ Brien left in the middle of the night to work for Rose’s mother. Don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you, O’ Brien. But who will Thomas use as his number two now that the scheming days are on hold? The new lady, a seamstress. She begins telling all of the juicy stuff she hears in Cora’s room to Thomas, because why not? But don’t get too angry about Thomas, he tried to get Nanny West fired, who it turns out was actually abusing little Sybil. Cora is super ticked off and fires the nanny.

Daisy still loves Alfred who still loves Ivy who doesn’t love him. And it’s all pretty annoying. And Mrs. Patmore and Mrs. Hughes are plotting their collective teenaged deaths.

Anna and Bates feel bad for Moseley so Bates secretly gives him money because Moseley has a serious pride issue.

Oh and also, that cray cray beyotch that kissed Tom Branson was able to get hired back on through Cora, overriding Mrs. Hughes and Carson. So that sneaky lady is on the prowl once again.

Moseley is out of a job so the Dowager tries to get him hired on by a friend by having a luncheon to show off his talents. But the luncheon is botched and Moseley makes an ass of himself, so it’s a no go. Now he is pounding the pavement, literally, and really bumming out the staff at Downton.

And the crux of this entire episode involved Mrs. Patmore vs. that damned electric mixer. It’s only a matter of time mixer, you’d better watch your back.