Do We Live In A Cartoon? Or A Bad Sitcom?

Paris is planning all sorts of crap for her big roll-up into the joint. I just hope they have snipers trained on her who are ordered to take the shot if she gets out of line. She’s employed stylists to get all dolled up for her big entrance, kinda like Naomi Campbell did. AND she’s planning on keeping a prison diary. I hope the second she gets in there, some bulldyke rips her dress off and throws her into the grease trap in the caf. I wouldn’t normally be rooting for violence against women, but she’s no woman.

“The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies,” an insider says.

“Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit, and she’s going to do the same out of going to prison.”

But the pal observes: “It’s not just about marketing, it’s about making money. If she can set up her entry into jail in a very grand way, the payoff will be greater.”

Hilton is also said to have decided to write a prison diary during her 23-day sentence, for publication upon release. (No doubt Oscar Wilde’s “Ballad of Reading Gaol” is one of her inspirations.)

“Paris’ prison diary will make a more dramatic read than Martha Stewart’s,” says someone with knowledge of her business dealings.


What an asshole. Keep reading for what her prison diary is going to sound like (and find out what books she’s holding in the photos).

Dear Diary,

10 AM – Hi. It’s my first day in prison. They looked in my cooter for smuggled goods! And one of them said, “wow that’s the meanest case of herpes I’ve ever seen. Damn, how she combat that? With a blowtorch?” I was so humiliated. Almost as humiliated as the time I passed out at that party and woke up to Brandon Davis trying to teabag me in front of everyone. That greasy bitch!