Do We Live In A Cartoon? Or A Bad Sitcom?

June 1st, 2007 // 13 Comments

Paris is planning all sorts of crap for her big roll-up into the joint. I just hope they have snipers trained on her who are ordered to take the shot if she gets out of line. She’s employed stylists to get all dolled up for her big entrance, kinda like Naomi Campbell did. AND she’s planning on keeping a prison diary. I hope the second she gets in there, some bulldyke rips her dress off and throws her into the grease trap in the caf. I wouldn’t normally be rooting for violence against women, but she’s no woman.

“The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies,” an insider says.

“Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit, and she’s going to do the same out of going to prison.”

But the pal observes: “It’s not just about marketing, it’s about making money. If she can set up her entry into jail in a very grand way, the payoff will be greater.”

Hilton is also said to have decided to write a prison diary during her 23-day sentence, for publication upon release. (No doubt Oscar Wilde’s “Ballad of Reading Gaol” is one of her inspirations.)

“Paris’ prison diary will make a more dramatic read than Martha Stewart’s,” says someone with knowledge of her business dealings.

(Flynet)

What an asshole. Keep reading for what her prison diary is going to sound like (and find out what books she’s holding in the photos).

Dear Diary,

10 AM – Hi. It’s my first day in prison. They looked in my cooter for smuggled goods! And one of them said, “wow that’s the meanest case of herpes I’ve ever seen. Damn, how she combat that? With a blowtorch?” I was so humiliated. Almost as humiliated as the time I passed out at that party and woke up to Brandon Davis trying to teabag me in front of everyone. That greasy bitch!

(Flynet)

By J. Harvey
asl

  1. Laurie NYC

    Once and for all: only someone with no class or self-respect will do anything for a buck. Paris and her sister, mother and father will do ANYTHING to make a buck. This does not qualify them for genius status any more than it qualifies pimps or hookers for mensa. Paris, or more importantly, Paris’ advisors are typical Hollywood hucksters. Her most famous performance remains a porn flick. Any more questions?

  2. Sarah

    Wow….I never realized how deep & spirtual Paris really is…….LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL….NOT REALLY!!

  3. Staars

    I want to know where she purchased that sweatshirt I love it!

  4. Darth Paul

    Props, Laurie! Our culture seems to think money and the ability to make it is interchangeable with character and intelligence. This idiotic mindset is really what’s eroding our morals/ethics/decency, not other phantom antagonists that holier-than-thou types would like for us to accept.

    Also, Parisite is a turd and I hate her. May she develop metastatic anal cancer!

  5. Illinoise

    I feel as if I’m in prison; I can’t ever seem to escape Paris Hilton. She acts stupid on her show, people tune in to see it. She dances on tables and sluts it up, people photograph it and get PAID for it. She goes to prison for ONLY 30 days and people can’t stop talking about it.

    Doesn’t anyone think that magazines and websites should STOP paying for Paris Hilton photos? I’m pretty sure that would be the only way to get rid of her.

    STOP POSTING ABOUT PARIS HILTON. Then, she really WILL disappear.

  6. torin

    I can’t stand that she’s only going in for 20something days. Martha Stewart and Lil Kim got far more time for things that I think are far less serious. Paris could have killed someone while Martha and Lil Kim were just caught being dishonest.

  7. Char

    She doesn’t know the first thing about what it’s like to be scared or worried about the future. She’s so friggin’ rich she sneezes thousand dollar bills. She can’t pretend she’s trying to be spiritual now, and “spiritual warrior”? As IF. Her poor pampered ass has to go to jail, I feel so bad. Try living a life where you’re paycheck to paycheck, wondering how you’ll make it through the year. This bitch doesn’t KNOW scared.

  8. Char

    and p.s. If she tried to count her blessings she’d be sitting there for six weeks counting every last dollar mommy and daddy are passing on to her. If she even acted like she realized that, I might have some respect for her.

  9. mm

    WHY.DOES.SHE.INSIST.UPON.MAKING.US.DISLIKE.HER.EVEN.MORE?!?!?!
    Have some humility, Paris. Really – our well of vomit regarding you and your behavior has already overflowed.

  10. SmartyPants

    As if this illiterate bitch can even read! HAHAHAHA!
    Yeah,Paris. You sure have ME fooled by carrying around all those books!

  11. anonymous

    wow…i agree with every single one of the comments made on this page! and i truly cannot wait for the day when Paris is old news. seriously, she’s 26 already and she acts/looks/dresses like she is 18, 19 years old which i’m sure is part of the grand scheme of keeping her among the “it” girl set. it’s pathetic.

    AND i hope nicole goes to jail too. both individuals COULD have killed someone with their reckless driving and both DESERVE the punishments they receieved/will receive.

  12. anonymous

    wow…i agree with every single one of the comments made on this page! and i truly cannot wait for the day when Paris is old news. seriously, she’s 26 already and she acts/looks/dresses like she is 18, 19 years old which i’m sure is part of the grand scheme of keeping her among the “it” girl set. it’s pathetic.

    AND i hope nicole goes to jail too. both individuals COULD have killed someone with their reckless driving and both DESERVE the punishments they receieved/will receive.

  13. ye paris

    you people are honestly retarded. ur not being any better than her sitting here and writing shit about people u dont even know. so shes good at marketing herself and yes shes done some very immoral things to get to where she is..and while her willingness to do that makes her immoral, its not her fault that that’s the way society has set it up to work. if your willing to be immoral and do whatever it takes, you get what you want. honestly..look at any of teh high fashion models wlaking teh runways for Dior or Gucci and tehyve done FAR worse things to themselves and other poeple to get where they are. its just the way it works. I think you have to be very clever to make such a corrupt society work out in your favour

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