‘Dexter’ Season 6 Premiere: ‘Those Kinds Of Things’

Michael C. Hall started off a new season of the Showtime series ‘Dexter’ with enough unapologetic gore and sick sense of justice to snag any viewer. But then Tom Hanks’ goofy son Colin Hanks showed up and things got cheesy.

The episode began with Dexter faking a stab wound, offing a couple of ambulance drivers and making sure to be as creepy hell. So far so good right? Michael C. Hall does awkward serial killer very well. But that doesn’t mean he should have to carry the entire plot line.

“I have no idea what ‘Hammer’ time is… or how it differs from regular time.” – Michael C. Hall as ‘Dexter Morgan’

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Harrison is interviewing for preschools now. Man, how time has flown by! Deb gives Dexter a lecture about ‘beliefs’ and ‘God’ because he isn’t taking the Catholic preschool seriously. This is an obvious trick that the writers are playing. They are setting us up for the entire theme of this season. Get ready for something weird religious shit that is about to get real. Just don’t count on things making any sense this episode.

Nothing frustrates me more as a viewer than when writers assume that they need to package something up and hand it to me like I’m incompetent. Your audience is pretty intelligent, guys. Give us some street cred because we’ve been through a load of intense shit for five seasons. We can handle transitions.

I’m talking about the random coincidence of Dexter purchasing the condo next to his, with a conveniently connected door and Angel Batista’s conveniently hot younger sister appearing out of no where to be a nanny to Harrison. It’s almost as lousy as killing off Charlie Sheen so Ashton Kutcher can step in. These type of silly moves don’t help viewers stay connected. In fact, it turns them off.

LaGuerta and Batista are now divorced. She is black mailing her superior and moving up in the world. Okay, this is predictable. But things get really cheesy when we start seeing Dexter uncharacteristically worry about his popularity, his pesky ghost dad cheers him on the sidelines during flag football and Michael C. Hall attempts to hammer dance. It’s probably meant to be funny, but that is what Deb’s dirty mouth and Masuka’s brain gems are for.

Then nerdy Colin Hanks whispers about ‘Alpha & Omega’, Edward James Olmos catches pregnant reptiles in a swamp and terrible CGI snakes slither out of a bloated corpse. The only person who could save me from this mess was Deb, who had a couple of entertaining one liners, a better tackle in a bar than her perfectly fit brother had on the football field and a boyfriend ready to take a knee and propose. Am I being a ‘Debbie Downer’ here?

There were a couple of things that made Dexter interesting and they are disappearing fast. After having dealt with characters as ridiculous as Lila and Miguel, our only hope is that Mos Def shows up soon and saves the day.

Last season, Dexter seemed to redeem itself as a show because it’s protagonist was forced to face human emotions. He was damaged over Rita’s death. He was grasping onto relationships with his step-kids Cody and Astor. He was dealing with Harrison’s inherited love for killing and he found Lumen, a person who actually knew him. Sure, it’s the season starter and things need to get underway somehow, but honestly where is the meat in all of this fat? And I’m not referring to the intestines left at the fruit stand.