‘Dexter’ Recap: Teenage Wasteland

Dexter is playing his latest game of ‘juggle ten lives’ and it seems really stressful.

He is running on a treadmill in an effort to gather more info on that creepy bastard Jordan Chase. At the very least, we were able to see Michael C. Hall’s flawless abs in the locker room. And let me greatly emphasize that it never gets old, never.

I will say that Johnny Lee Miller looked much cooler with bleach blonde hair and tired heroin eyes, just saying.

Lumen is cheerily chatting on the phone with Dexter like she hasn’t been raped multiple times and he isn’t the most skilled professional murderer on earth. How quaint! Yet, its a load of bullshit. Unless they throw in some dark psychological scenes every few minutes where she sits in a corner, rocking back and forth in the fetal position sucking her thumb, I will never be fully satisfied.

Astor is the worst twelve year old EVER. She is the main reason becoming a parent scares the living shit out of me. Its like when you get a kitten from the animal shelter and it ends up becoming a cat, the same way a baby becomes a smart ass drunken shoplifting teenager. Gah! I don’t care if her mother just died, she is so obnoxious. Then again I wouldn’t believe Lumen is a so called ‘tenant’ either.

Since we’re going over really annoying things, let’s talk about Harry’s whiny ghost. None of his advice is ever helpful, encouraging or interesting for that matter. Go to the light ghost! Why couldn’t Dexter’s conscience be hot, like Rita?

Aww…Quinn said, ‘I love you”. Sort of. And of course, Deb was a giant awkward bitchy bitch about it. Surprise, surprise! Then there was the weird moment when she bumped into Lumen at the house. At least she ripped LaGuerta a new asshole, something she is especially great at doing.

Yay, Dexter jacked up the solar plexus, liver and kidney of Olivia’s step-dad. Fantastic! More importantly however, he told Astor what we rarely, if never heard him say to Rita or anyone else, that he loves her. Which means he has a heart and he is starting to show a major weakness.

Jordan Chase didn’t waste time using that to his advantage or leaving the audience on pins and needles.