Dane Cook Isn’t Funny

April 2nd, 2008 // 36 Comments

I’m glad someone recognized this. Comedian (and I use that term loosely) Dane Cook is winning a Boston radio station’s tournament for unfunniest comedian.

WBCN is running a March Madness-type tournament on their weekday afternoon talk show in which Dane Cook is coming out ahead of Jeff Foxworthy, Paula Poundstone, and Carlos Mencia as the unfunniest comic currently working.

This isn’t far-off. He has allegedly stolen material from other comedians like Joe Rogan and Louis CK. There are also reports that he’s the most reviled comedian in the industry. Well, yeah, he’s stealing material! He’s also a straight-up diva. Smith & Wolensky’s steakhouse had to throw him out because he was acting like a dick.

“His assistant ordered for him. He got a steak and sent it back three times,” said an employee. “The chef was furious. Eventually we told him enough is enough.”

Your assistant ordered for you? Was he on his cell, wearing shades and too busy to look at the menu? Probably. Ugh, what a penis. Cook’s rep denied the steakhouse story, but went on to mention how many tickets Dane has sold in Boston when he tours.

Look, B. Harvey (J. Harvey’s little brother) just went because he could get drunk and meet chicks alright? Some ladies think Dane Cook is funny and handsome so they go to his shows. You can’t blame B. Harvey for using every available avenue to land some tail!

Photos: WENN

I’m glad someone recognized this. Comedian (and I use that term loosely) Dane Cook is winning a Boston radio station’s tournament for unfunniest comedian.

WBCN is running a March Madness-type tournament on their weekday afternoon talk show in which Dane Cook is coming out ahead of Jeff Foxworthy, Paula Poundstone, and Carlos Mencia as the unfunniest comic currently working.

This isn’t far-off. He has allegedly stolen material from other comedians like Joe Rogan and Louis CK.
There are also reports that he’s the most reviled comedian in the
industry. Well, yeah, he’s stealing material! He’s also a straight-up
diva. Smith & Wolensky’s steakhouse had to throw him out because he
was acting like a dick.

“His assistant ordered for him. He got a steak and sent it back
three times,” said an employee. “The chef was furious. Eventually we
told him enough is enough.”

Your assistant ordered for you? Was he on his cell, wearing shades
and too busy to look at the menu? Probably. Ugh, what a penis. Cook’s
rep denied the steakhouse story, but went on to mention how many
tickets Dane has sold in Boston when he tours.

Look, B. Harvey (J. Harvey’s little brother) just went because he
could get drunk and meet chicks alright? Some ladies think Dane Cook is
funny and handsome so they go to his shows. You can’t blame B. Harvey
for using every available avenue to land some tail!

By J. Harvey
  1. krystyn

    Dude, I can’t believe you called out Toucher and Rich on this blog, that is effing AWESOME! Their show is the best thing on Boston radio and I concur, Dane Cook is a penis.

    However, I honestly think Paul Reiser might win the whole thing, he took down Paula Poundstone yesterday…thats a mighty feat. Jimmy Fallon is still in the running too, and he’s a chode, so we’ll have to wait and see.

  2. I have a friend who used to work at the Laugh Factory who told me that he asked her out after his act. So when he finished on stage, they got in his car, he drove her to a secluded spot just off Sunset, unzipped and said “your welcome.” When she refused, he told her to get out and left her there.

    The only people who can get away with those kind of shenanigans are Sean Connery and Abe Vigoda and Dane Cook is no Abe Vigoda.

  3. Alice

    I just want to say that Dane Cook is a douchebag.

  4. Gay Man

    Dear Dane Cook,

    I’ve never laughed at your jokes, but damn, you’re hot.

    Love,
    Me.

  5. dorkus

    He’s creepy. And annoying.

  6. I met him at the Carson Day show a couple years ago, and the next night at the Laugh Factory and both times he was super nice. Who knows?

  7. John D

    Why all the hating on Dane? His shows are perfectly hilarious and when I met him he seemed
    like a realy great guy!

  8. fyi

    Re: rejecting the steak at Smith and Wollensky’s if it was the one on South Beach he has a point. Two out of three times I went the steak sucked. I’ve had better steak at Denny’s. lol. jk but seriously though it sucked.

  9. Paige

    John D., the post says that he steals material from other comedians. What more do you need? That is a serious offense in the comedy circuit.

    I don’t think that he’s very cute anymore. I though he was OK looking at first but he’s looking more like a special-ed version of a frat boy lately.

    And I have never thought he was very funny.

  10. asha

    Oh please. Just because he recently became a sell out doesn’t mean that he didn’t start off being really funny. He’s making some career mistakes for sure but I would never say he’s not funny. He’s very funny and most people thought so originally too. The overexposure has been his downfall but the guy is talented. It annoys me when people say otherwise.

  11. Michelle

    It’s kinda sad actually. He’s extremely attractive but the scarring on his face really takes away from that. Even with the scarring though he’s a better catch than the people around my neck of the woods.

  12. Jenn

    Did anyone see that movie with Steve Karrol and Dane Cook where Steve was a dad or whatever? Wait I think it was called Dad, right? Well, that WAS THE F-ING WORST movie ever! YUCK! Steve is above that but it’s right up Dane Cook’s dumbass alley!

  13. el polacko

    somewhere along the line it became ‘hip’ to say you hate dane cook.. whatever.. i think he’s
    he’s pretty amusing but what’s more important is that the man is sexy as all get-out ! just the way his body MOVES around the stage gets me all tingly in my man-parts. yum.

  14. Ashley

    The movie was Dan in Real Life and it did suck but maybe that’s because I’m not a man or in my 40′s, with children. Who knows?

    Dane Cook however is not funny. I saw his show on HBO a year or so ago and it wasn’t funny.

    And I thought he was okay looking but somewhere (I think it was Dan in Real Life) the lighting highlighted certain aspects of his face and he has really, really bad scarring along his jaw.

    PS Juliette Binoche was WAY to pretty for him. They couldn’t have found someone better to play that part?

  15. Ally

    Louis CK probably has the WORST delivery in man kind, and no one knew of the guy before this anyways.
    He’s just complete shit.

    And Joe ROGAN?
    This guy is supposed to be funny?
    LOL.
    Go rewatch yourself on Fear Factor.. it’s the only way anyone will remember you.

    Dane ftw.

  16. he is ugly

    he is so ugly, he has pock marks and his arms are too long for his body, the guy is goofy looking.

  17. My disdain for him doesn’t come from the fact that he steals material (as Mencia is way worse), or the fact that its “hip” to dislike him, or from his facial scars or even from the fact that he left my friend stranded in Hollywood for not blowing him.

    My dislike for him as a comedian comes from the fact that he has NOTHING original to say. He pronounces chicken sandwich “chicken sang-witch.” Hahaha, how clever. He can talk like a four year old. Go see David Cross do stand up. Or Patton Oswalt. Or Michael Showalter. Go see someone who has something original to say and treats their act as a craft that they hone and work on, someone who treats it like an art instead of this pseudo-retarded guy whos just in it for the chicks and money. He doesn’t see it as a creative endeavor. He doesn’t do or say anything of value. He is the Creed of the comedy circuit. He is a constant reminder of the mediocrity we as a culture has come to accept from everything we are spoon-fed and we would all be better off if he either learned how to write or disappeared back into Jessica Simpson’s vajay.

  18. Xavier

    Amen. I *heart* Patton Oswalt.

  19. D'Anna

    RE: At Andrew;

    I agree, he is the Creed of comedy.

    So I suppose it’s logical to say that if Jesus hates Creed, He also hates Dane Cook?

  20. D’Anna,

    Two things:

    1) Please please tell me your name is a reference to Galactica. If so, that in combination with saying Jesus hates Creed and Dane Cook will make me love you forever, but in a purely physical way. Figure that one out.

    2) I think regardless of how Jesus felt about Creed, he would hate Dane Cook. Jesus was, in theory anyway, a real happenin’ fella and rather intelligent based on my understanding (go ahead and make all the “if he was so smart, why did he get his ass nailed to a cross” jokes you want cause I know I would) and anyone that rad would totally hate them both. Cause when I think of Jesus, I imagine Beck in sandals and a loincloth.

  21. Dane Cook fan for life!!!

    WTF! You are all just jealous of Dane cause you are loosers. He’s hella funny and super sexy!! I’ve met him and he is super nice!!! The dude reserved the hole front row at the Garden and they told the people that could only afford seats in the nose bleed section to come down to the front row.
    IT’S COOL TO HATE ON DANE? Wow then I guess ya’ll are the kind of people that are followers, cause you want people to think you’re COOL. Well guess what no matter what you do to try to make people think you’re cool……you’re all still loosers!

  22. Christopher Martin

    I have to admit, when Dane Cook first came out I thought to myself, “Self, this guy seems interesting.”

    Now it’s today and his act has not changed and he’s got a couple of “eh” movies under his belt. I’m in the park of watching comedians evolve…Cook has not done so yet.

  23. D'Anna

    Andrew,

    Actually my father named me after Star Trek: TNG, but I get asked about Galactica quite often. When your named after a SciFi show, you’ve got no chance of being cool.

    As for Jesus being Beck? I don’t think I ever want to see either one in a loincloth.

  24. mona

    My cousin was paralyzed in a car accident in October. Dane Cook is her favorite celebrity, and when he found out what happened he went and visited her in rehab, and gave her front row tickets to a show he did a few weeks later. It made a huge difference in her life at a very critial time. Just want to add a good experience to this discussion.

  25. Clint

    He is definitely hot.

    I’d pull his bangs while I fucked his tight ass.

  26. Heather

    You guys are a bunch of self absorbed morons.
    He is so funny! All of the things he jokes about are true!
    He is one of the comedians that actually give a F**k about his fans! He is so down to earth. He is such a nice guy!

  27. holly

    dane cook makes me smile every time I think of him. I would have bad days at work and I would always put in one of his acts in my dvd player and laugh my ass off…He has talent way beyond his years…”THE LORD TASTES A LITTLE STAILL TODAY , BETTER CHECK THE DATE ON THAT LORD.” LOVE YOU DANE!

  28. DaneSucks

    Dane Cook’s mouth is where jokes go to DIE.

    That single line is funnier than anything Dane Cook has said.

  29. XtinaX

    Dane Cook may be a cutie but he truly is NOT funny! I tried watching one of his shows to see what all the fuss was about, and all I could think was how STUPID he looked trying to tell a joke!!

  30. fuck u faggots?!?

    wow dane cook is a great comedian. no hes not a dick ive actually talked with him before he is so down to earth. o yea and his jokes were RUMORED to be stolen. this is of course not true. ur going to believe ever thing u hear is true? well then get the fuck back onto earth cuz that aint tru at all!!!! dane is a great guy and an amazing comedian. u have no taste

  31. erock

    i was watching comedy central last week when i saw a guy doing dane cooks car alarm bit. so as far as stealing jokes goes, well it happeneds, they all do it, louis ck is just another guy who doesnt like his kids, how orginal,no but he is still funny, but this guy who no one seems to like is busting his butt to make sure to give to the people what they want, no one gives the way this one does, most of them stand there usauly with a beer in their hand and tell the same jokes night after night, everytime dane does his bit its different. punchlines? this guy is so funny he had to invent a new genre of telling jokes!

  32. Leraco

    I first heard of Dane Cook 3 months ago.

    I watched his special on TV this weekend, and like many others I have reached the same conclusion:

    Dane Cook isn’t funny.

    I much prefer an episode of Family Guy.

    Clearly the girls like him, as he gets hoots and hollers from chicks throughout his live shows. He has a savvy web site, and has leveraged social websites to his advantage, but this has fooled the under 35 set into thinking he is cool, edgy, hip and funny. He isn’t. He is just a very slick marketer, the chycks think he is hot, and he sells tonnes of CD’s.

    He isn’t funny at all.

  33. Intelligence wins

    I’ve noticed something interesting about these comments. The comments in favor of Dane Cook are full of misspellings, grammatical errors and “webspeak.” For example, the one that calls people who don’t like Cook “loosers.” Personally, I think people who can’t construct a coherent sentence are the losers. The people on here that are speaking intelligently are the ones that dislike the guy. So my conclusion is that in order to find Dane Cook funny, you either have to have an IQ under 100 or be under the age of 14. Thank goodness, neither of those apply to me. The man is simply not funny.

  34. Rob S

    Wow, Not funny is an understatement.
    The first time I saw or heard anything “Dane Cook” tainted was Employee of the Month.
    I “Netflixed” this movie because of Dax Shepard (liked Idiocracy and Let’s go to Prison) and Jessica Simpson (ok, she’s just eye candy)
    During the movie I was constantly befuddled by this untalented actor trying desperately to pull of Ryan Reynolds and failing miserably.
    I could really put my finger on it, but the inability to deliver even the most simple line without sounding like he’s about to belch.
    Then, recently, his stand up has been flooding Comedy Central like Vegas used to do with Danny Gans (rip).
    I watch for almost a half an hour.
    Ugh,,, I began to watch the audience to see what mouth breathing dolts were laughing at this.
    Wow, nothing, I mean, nothing funny AT ALL!!

  35. Lily

    Um, he is funny. i have been trying to figure out for a WHILE why dane cook is “claimed” to be unfunny, but all the reasons dont add up, Just face it, he is a funny big time stand up comedian, I can see its just jealousy since Jeff Foxworthy is supposed to be a “bad” comedian too. He is real funny and has a lot of fans, so does dane. Dont be mad cuz your favorite small time comedian didnt make the cut on comedy central…douches

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