Dancing With The Stars Puts Michael Bolton In The Dog House

The Elimination Round for week two of Dancing With The Stars has dawned.  Who will go home?  Who will stay?!  It’s all so mysterious and confusing…except not.  Our gentleman friend who goes home pretty much sealed the deal on Monday night with one of the most awkward performances I’ve ever seen.  Sure, it could have been nerves, but it just was not wonderous.  Le sigh.  Who was it?  Well, if you can’t figure that out, I guess you’ll just have to read on.

First and foremost, Brooke took our advice, graduated to high school, and ditched the clear dress straps.  Well done, Brooke.  Also, Bruno got a smackdown from Len, and was told to “give them a little bit of encouragement!”  Never thought we’d hear that, but so it was.  

In the first round, Kyle & Lacey beat out Brandie & Maks, and were safe.  I cannot get over how nimble and light on his feet Kyle is.  I adore him.  He’s like a little beaming cherub, he just couldn’t stop smiling!  Sorry Brandie, that’s what you get for wearing knee socks and upsetting the angelic yet strong Maks.  She just won’t stop picking fights with him!  Brandie’s actually kind of mean.  Weird.

The Dancing With the Stars recap continues after the jump.

We had a nice music interlude with Janelle Monae, and it seems as though she has stolen Willow Smith’s hairstyle.  What is the world coming to?  Stealing a 9 year old’s hair…Bristol & Mark, Florence & Corky, Audrina & Tony, and Jennifer & Derek were all safe, leaving The Situation & Karina in the dust.  I guess he can’t use his “only 5 days to practice” excuse anymore.  I secretly hope he gets better.Brooke and Tom tried to cover up the fact that the audience booed at Sarah Palin with a nice tape of them booing at Jennifer & Derek receiving an 8.  I don’t know if I buy it.  Not after this.  However, when it was announced that Bristol was safe, little Piper Palin
erupted into a sound that can only be described as the sound of a
million baby mice cheering for joy.  It was terrifying, yet absolutely
adorable at the same time.The dance show in the middle made my back hurt just watching those bendy dancers.  Red ballet lady totally stole her look from Center Stage
There is so much stealing going on here!  I kept waiting for a small
pervert atop a motorcycle to come out and drive away to an isolated bed
with her and then dance-fight it out, BUT then Seal came out.  Oh Seal, I adore you.  He should have performed “Kissed by a Rose” for us.  Doesn’t he know what that song means to all of us?  Surrounded by those dazzling Avatar Tree of Souls lights, it would have been life altering.The last round left Kurt & Anna, Rick & Cheryl, and Margaret & Louis safe, which means Michael & Chelsie were
not.  Those two went on to be eliminated, leaving The Situation and
Brandie to dance another day.  I think Michael really solidified that
decision when he crawled out of a dog house on Monday.  Get back in that
dog house!  He brought a bad name to dog friends everywhere, who could
probably dance better than he did.  I’m sorry Michael, you have a
glorious voice, but it wasn’t even an entertaining awkward dance.  Ah,
so is life.  Back to the grind on Monday!