Dancing With The Stars Eliminates The Hoff, Germany Weeps

Well, here we are.  The first elimination!  Who could it be?  Personally, I had absolutely no idea who would go.  There was no one who stood out as ridiculously awkward.  Well, maybe Kurt Warner, but he was a beautiful twirler.  I’ll give him that.

According to Tom Bergeron, the reason we can tell this show is live is because he is wearing a different tie.  Good to know.  On to the show!

I had no idea that Dancing with the Stars was collaborating with American Idol this season.  Who knew?  I refuse to condone all of this craziness unless Daughtry dances.  With SantanaIndia Arie can come too.  Good thing they’re all here tonight.  I love watching all the professionals dancing, but they look like they’re wearing lettuce skirts.  However, my roommate reassures me it looks more like romaine, which is much classier than iceberg, so I guess that is good.

Not only is this show now about music and dancing, but history as well!  Adam Carolla is giving us a history lesson on dancing, while on a unicycle, which makes little to no sense.  Adam, you weren’t funny last season, or the season before that, or the season you got kicked off third.  Just stop.  Please.  Tour de Dance…gah.

More from last night’s Dancing With the Stars after the jump.

OK finally, we can focus on the dancers.  I came here to watch d-listers
claw their way back up the ladder of social meaning while wearing
sparkly nothings.  Enough with those silly singers.  And interpretive
dancers.  They just scare me.  The dancer montage was all kinds
of adorable.  All of the celebrities love each other, which touches my
little heart, especially The Hoff just wanting to catch a 60 yard pass from Kurt Warner.  Just kill me.  Florence Henderson, on the other hand, needs to cut it with her sexual innuendos, she’s making me blush.  She’s making The Situation blush!  Maybe she shouldn’t stop.Speaking of The Situation, he was very impressed with Bristol’s trek to California.  “Alaska to Cali?  I didn’t even know there was roads to connect that.”  Well, Michael, we didn’t know you could see Russia from Alaska either.  You learn something new every day, hmm?Of course, some of my favorite dancers were safe.  Jennifer Grey, with her beautiful homage to Patrick Swayze, proved nobody puts baby in a corner (no more Dirty Dancing puns, I promise), Audrina Chiquita-Banana’d her way into the judges’ hearts, and Kyle showed us all, at the last minute, that he is surprisingly nimble in his little pointy shoes.In the end, The Hoff was voted off, which actually pissed me off a little bit.  After all, he did bring me my first favorite music video
Think of what else he could have brought to this show.  Regardless, he
handled his elimination with poise and grace.  He has come a long way
from his hamburger-destroying ways.  I applaud his daughters, because this performance was certainly not a mess.  Well played, Hoff!