‘Dancing With The Stars’ Loses Audrina Patridge To The Hills

Holy Crap, my friends.  Last night’s Elimination Round on Dancing With The Stars was a doozie.  It was short and sweet, but actually not so sweet at all.  Not even a little bit.  In fact, I am still a little crushed over what happened.

First of all, a rousing panel of Rock & Roll experts (Bret Michaels, Alice Cooper, and Dee Snider) explained the rules of Rock to us.  These dudes are seriously aged, and it’s a bit scary.  If that’s what Rock & Roll is, I want none of it.  Nope.

We had two lovely performances by Heart and Kylie Minogue, both of which took up the better part of an hour, and then they finally laid the final smackdown upon us.  Who was voted off?  You want to know?

Audrina.  Our lovely Audrina Patridge, who was such a graceful and promising dancer.  Do you like this, America?  You voted her off!  Shame on you.  You know what?  She was the bigger person, and was so polite and gracious after being voted off, that the voters of America must feel a little bad.  Don’t you?  If her speech alone didn’t do it, I’m sure her blindingly white teeth hypnotized them into thinking it.

Farewell, Audrina.  May you forever be followed by a projected image of a pool, and always capitalize on your fame from The Hills for bizarre projects.