Tom Cruise And David Beckham Have Ambitious Rectums

April 15th, 2008 // 7 Comments

You know where that bottle’s going. It looks like the aftermath of a gay civil union! This picture seriously makes me want to hold some sort of caption contest. Play at home! Tom Cruise and David Beckham are reportedly considering purchasing a soccer team together.

“Purchasing a soccer team together” is the new “predatory queen convinced dumb jock to give in to his advances.” Sources say that David wants to make the transition from team player to team owner. The two realize that they could attract all the top players to their boy harem…I mean, soccer team.

I don’t mean to work blue here, but Tom’s had bigger things up him. That gurl can ride the biggest and the best. Olivia Newton John’s missing husband is probably up him, along with Paris and Britney’s missing dogs, the wallet that the hooker stole from me in Vegas, and the lost continent of Atlantis.

By J. Harvey

  1. susie

    I hear Tom is in love with Beckham, he sure IS gorgeous, Tom has goooood taste. So if Beckham and his wife can endure this it seems like a great match. Tom will be so happy and fullfilled with this catch. Katie was choice #4, Beckham is choice #1!!!

  2. Queen Caffeine

    mwahahahahaha! don’t forget to lube, boys.

  3. 2 Old 4 This

    Oh J, blue is your color!

  4. WildGuy


    So what you’re saying is, if Merriam Webster wants to put a picture with the definition of “Black Hole” in the next edition of their dictionary, they should have a picture of Tommy’s butt hole?

  5. kelly

    funniest shit I’ve read all week! belly laughed.

  6. common sense

    Tom needs to LAY OFF the vests, turtle necks, and other creepy child molester/cult leader attire. Jesus, where are his people??

  7. jbonz

    Just as long as Tommy isn’t washing down any
    !!!DANGEROUS PSYCHIATRIC DRUGS!!! with his five-gallon carboy of ethyl alcohol.

Leave A Comment