Tom Cruise And David Beckham Have Ambitious Rectums

You know where that bottle’s going. It looks like the aftermath of a gay civil union! This picture seriously makes me want to hold some sort of caption contest. Play at home! Tom Cruise and David Beckham are reportedly considering purchasing a soccer team together.

“Purchasing a soccer team together” is the new “predatory queen convinced dumb jock to give in to his advances.” Sources say that David wants to make the transition from team player to team owner. The two realize that they could attract all the top players to their boy harem…I mean, soccer team.

I don’t mean to work blue here, but Tom’s had bigger things up him. That gurl can ride the biggest and the best. Olivia Newton John’s missing husband is probably up him, along with Paris and Britney’s missing dogs, the wallet that the hooker stole from me in Vegas, and the lost continent of Atlantis.