Crazy Astronaut Lady Says There Was No Diaper

June 29th, 2007 // 8 Comments

The crazy astronaut lady traveling cross country to kidnap or kill her romantic rival wasn’t celebrity gossip. It was better! And one of the best details about the whole sordid story was Nasa maniac Lisa Nowak wearing a diaper on her cross-country trek to cut a bitch because she didn’t want to waste anytime! Seriously, sitting in her own filth was preferable to not putting some ho in the ground asap. Imagine how many dreams shattered when Nowak’s lawyer claimed in court that the diaper story wasn’t true. This is exactly like the time the Easter Bunny molested me.

The biggest lie is this preposterous tale,” said defense attorney Donald Lykkebak, according to Florida Today.

Lykkebak made his comments during a status hearing on the case Friday morning. Nowak is scheduled to stand trial on Sept. 24.

According to reports, Nowak wore special astronaut diapers so that she could drive without stopping from Houston to the Orlando International Airport, where she allegedly attacked Shipman on Feb. 5.

The diaper drama continues after the jump.

Lykkebak said his client had been subject to ridicule due to the reports and explained that the diapers found in her car were in fact toddler-size. Nowak, a mother of three, and her family had been forced to evacuate their Houston home during the 2005 hurricane season, he said, and the diapers had been used by the children and parents on that trip.

Wait, so people were….in diapers….in parked cars? DAMN YOU GLOBAL WARMING! You can’t tell me there was not one bush or shrub or fence up in there. Ugh. Not only am I upset that this drooling space maniac didn’t wear a diaper on the way to killing someone, now I’m grossed out.

By J. Harvey
  1. We really don’t care. Isn’t trying to kill someone bad enough? I guess it DEPENDS on what you’re wearing when you do it, uh?

  2. Jinxy McDeath

    I can only imagine the terror of being attack in a dark parking lot by a woman in a wig, groucho glasses and carrying a stinky load. OMG, I am never going out after dark again.

  3. Jinxy McDeath

    I can only imagine the terror of being attack in a dark parking lot by a woman in a wig, groucho glasses and carrying a stinky load in her pants. OMG, I am never going out after dark again.

  4. Prick Up Your Ears

    Jinxy McDeath and Mr. T: You SLAY ME! Hilarious!

  5. Get Bent

    Courtesy of Wikipedia: “Nowak received a BS degree in aerospace engineering from the U.S. Naval Academy in 1985, and an MS degree in aeronautical engineering and a degree in aeronautical and astronautical engineering in 1992 from the U.S. Naval Postgraduate School in Monterey, California.” — hmm, that’s a pretty intelligent woman.

    Sure, she made a poor decision by driving thousands of miles to confront some chick, but let’s be honest … a lot worse things have been done. She didn’t even assault the lady. And what happens? She loses her job and has her employers turn their backs on her, as if she never worked for them in the first place. This is one of the few women in the history of the world to go into space, and now she’ll end up driving cabs or something. I guarantee everyone who has read this has made a decision as worse or far worse than Nowak’s. Glass houses people.

    Anyways, stop grinding my gears. And NASA: give Nowak her job back, you douchebags.

  6. Brittany

    “Seriously, sitting in her own filth was preferable to not putting some ho in the ground asap.” – ahhh, you kill me!

  7. KAT

    DEGREES OR NOT; INTELLIGENCE OR NOT; ASTRONAUT OR NOR; A PSYCHOPATH IS A PSYCHOPATH NO MATTER HOW IT IS SPELLED! SHE WENT AFTER ANOTHER HUMAN BEING WITH THE INTENT TO COMMIT GREAT BODILY HARM, OR WORSE! ONLY SHE WAS FOUGHT OFF AND DID NOT GET TO FINISH THE DEED. SHE DESERVED TO BE TERMINATED FROM NASA. SHE DID IT TO HERSELF!!!!!!

  8. Dave

    Who was molested by the Easter Bunny?!?!?!?!?!?

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