Cocaine Makes You Paranoid

Brittany Murphy is bonkers. This is a shame, because she’s a fairly talented actress when she isn’t running around spouting conspiracy theories and claiming her husband was kidnapped and ransomed and marrying said husband even though he has an incredibly shady married-your-ass-for-insurance-money-this-engagement-ring-is-zirconium past. Crazed.

A source who used to work for the perky star says she talks darkly of “a high-powered Hollywood player” who is allegedly stalking her.

And when her then-boyfriend, Simon Monjack, disappeared for 10 days in April, Murphy claimed he had been kidnapped by agents of this mysterious figure, says the source.

“When he came back, he had head injuries,” says the former insider. “He was pale and sometimes had trouble standing.”


Keep reading for more reasons why you should avoid snorting things OR for an interesting way to avoid having to pay employees if they’re dumb enough to believe it.

Not only that, but the former staffer also claims Murphy said she was unable to pay him because the money had been used for ransom.

However, the alleged kidnapping seems to exactly coincide with the dates reported by The National Enquirer that Monjack, a British citizen, was jailed by U.S. immigration authorities for overstaying his visa.

Monjack, a screenwriter, is not short of enemies. Several anonymous sources have posted unflattering stories on the Internet about his past relationships. On June 13, a man identifying himself as Arturo Globenfeldt posted a message on Monjack’s page claiming he owes him $16 million in film investment money. Globenfeldt, whose blog indicates he is in Portugal, did not immediately respond to an e-mail.

A rep for Murphy also did not respond to a request for comment.

I have too much respect for her role in “Clueless” to suggest that she actually is in real life. So I’m going to attribute it to the cocaína. Pretty soon she’s going to be wandering around her house in a bathrobe and a Speedo, pumping “Jesse’s Girl” on the stereo and bellowing with a pistol while her underage Thai ladyboy lights off firecrackers to induce incredible tension in Mark Wahlberg and the audience.