Christina Hendricks’ CliffsNotes For How To Get Her And Most Women In ‘Equire’

Christina Hendricks took to the pages of Esquire to write an open letter to the male population (and to eat some watermelon). She lists things that men should know and realize about women and I have to admit that I would echo a lot of these. More importantly though, men, this is clearly want Christina wants so even though she’s happily married, keep these notes in case one day you per chance need them to be her next watermelon.

Here are some highlights:

We want you to order Scotch. It’s the most impressive drink order. It’s classic. It’s sexy. Such a rich color. The glass, the smell. It’s not watered down with fruit juice. It’s Scotch. And you ordered it.

Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket. We talk about it with our friends after you do it. We say, “Can you believe he stood up when I approached the table?” It makes us feel important. And it makes you important because we talk about it.

No shorts that go below the knee. The ones almost like capri pants, the ones that hover somewhere between the kneecap and the calf? Enough with those shorts. They are the most embarrassing pants in the world. They should never be worn. No woman likes those.

No man should be on Facebook. It’s an invasion of everyone’s privacy. I really cannot stand it.

Panties is a wonderful word. When did you stop saying “panties”? It’s sexy. It’s girlie. It’s naughty. Say it more.

There are better words than beautiful. Radiant, for instance. It’s an underused word. It’s a very special word. “You are radiant.” Also, enchanting, smoldering, intoxicating, charming, fetching.

Listen up because this woman is insanely wise. Except for the facebook page thing. You should have that initially so we check you out and then delete it because we don’t need to see posts from your “friend” from college whose profile pictures are always in bikinis. We just don’t.