Christina Aguilera: Sayer Of Stuff

Behind The Music featuring Christina Aguilera will premiere Sunday, June 13th at 9PM where the be-make-upped (yes that’s a word) singer will delight and titillate us with her personal stories.

From what I hear, girlfriend has been all over town pushing her new album and bringing the yawns with some crazy hair and last year’s implants.  That’s right.  I said it.  Don’t take it personal, ass-less chaps.

Anyhoo, for her Behind The Music special, Tina’s going to tickle your funny bone with tales of child abuse and depression.  Oh no, wait.  That really is sad.

On her abusive childhood:  

“I decided to step in between and said ‘don’t hurt my mommy.’ He then threw me across the room because I had stood up for my mom”

“He was getting more physical with me, the older I got, and my mom said enough was enough.”

“My mother, I remember, being in such a helpless situation, and I remember just seeing her being overpowered constantly by my father. And it really didn’t sit well with me.”

On dealing with her depression:

“I do battle with depression. It’s something that is always right below the surface. And it’s almost seductive to go to a place of sadness and darkness”

“I’m truly thankful for the darkest times in my life”

Don’t worry.  She says happy stuff about her husband Jordan Bratman and her kid Max, so it won’t be too depressing.  Oh, and there will most likely be singing, too.

More importantly, look at these pictures of Titi leaving an appearance in NYC on Monday.  I rib the ol’ girl, but I got nothing but love for this ‘Genie in a Bottle.’  Oh, no, I didn’t!  Alright, seriously, I hate leggings like the devil himself (or okra; dear God, that stuff is awful), but if I wore some, they would look like the one’s she has on.  I know!  I’m so sweet!

But really, please scrape that crap off your face, Christina.  You’re only 29, you have no wrinkles or acne.  You’re starting to look like a Madame Tussaud’s version of yourself.  Never let a cute face go to waste!