How Christina Aguilera’s Baby Avoided Looking Like It Escaped From Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory I’ll Never Know…

February 20th, 2008 // 16 Comments

Wow, the baby’s color almost looks…normal. How is it not that fine Nerf shade of orange that she’s always sporting? Here’s snaps of Max Bratman, Christina Aguilera’s newborn son with husband Jordan Bratman. Christina is doing the baby whoring tour to accompany her multi-million dollar baby photo payday. We’re going to hear a lot of stories about how she gave birth via Caesarean in order to preserve her triangular mystery, and how swollen her boobies are and diapers and blah blah blah. Just put in a stroller, wheel it around for the paps and be done with it! Anyway, Xtina went on Ellen to discuss all of the above and Ellen’s one smooth lady licker because she immediately zeroed in on ‘Tina’s ta-tas. She asked “One question: Are you nursing?” and Xtina replied that it must be “obvious” and Ellen (practically drooling) said “It’s going to be a healthy baby boy.”

Ellen, you dawg! I would high five her if I wasn’t afraid of my hand smelling like Chicken of the Sea. Christina also said that for the baby’s bris, they had “penis ballons” hung up. For those of you not in the know, that’s the Jewish ceremony where they snip the kid’s foreskin. I don’t know about you, but even as an infant, I wouldn’t be amused by the mockery.

By J. Harvey
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  1. Esther Greenwood

    I’m more surprised the poor kid didn’t come out looking like a chimpanzee…You’ve seen her husband, right?

  2. Frida

    The baby is beautiful =)

  3. joya

    she is gorgeous!

    I miss Christinas ruby reds… she seems lacking without them.

  4. tru

    She was afraid of tearing her vagina,but she did not hesitate to tear the foreskin of her baby’s penis?

  5. chris

    Hey everybody, guess who got caught cheating last nigh! TOM CRUISE……….. I knew there was something fishy about him! See the story and photos on WhyFame.com

  6. carlie

    awww, baby.
    he’s soooooo cute.
    i wannna keep him.
    congrats christinaa, ily.
    (L) carlie.

  7. mimi

    OMG i luv christinas music and her and stuff and wen i found out she was having a baby i was ssoooooooo happy 4 her. Plus i wasent sure if max was going to turn out looking cute. He did and awwwwwww so adorable!!!!!

  8. mimi

    OMG i luv christinas music and her and stuff and wen i found out she was having a baby i was ssoooooooo happy 4 her. Plus i wasent sure if max was going to turn out looking cute. He did and awwwwwww so adorable!!!!!

  9. savanna grace

    she has had a beautiful baby dont diss that! her child was created in the image of God! how would you like if your kid was being called a chimpanzee!

  10. melissa

    I THINK THAT THE BABY IS BEAUTIFUL AND CHRISTINA MAKES A GREAT MOM!!

  11. jordinn

    Whoever said the baby looks like a chimpanzee is a complete idiot they are to self centered to admit someone looks better than them!
    so all i have to say is get a fricken life loser!

  12. Jordinn

    Whoever said tthat this baby looks like a chimpanzee it really self centered to admit that the baby is cuter than them so all i have to say is your dumb
    get a life!

  13. Genesis

    Christina’s baby is cute. Haters need to hop off. That’s wrong how people just talk so much shit about a baby, just wait and see how your kids are gonna come out. That baby is not ugly.

  14. Danielle

    Uh…first of all don’t diss the briss its our tradition! That baby is beautiful! And I wouldn’t wanna tear my vag either! Don’t talk shit about Christina or her newborn baby. Listen to her songs! They talk about not judging and shit! Christina is my idol! And don’t be close minded about other religious traditions. Seriously I can’t imagine my life without her music. I got a record deal because I followed my dreams because of her. I love you Christina!

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  16. amanda

    who ever is makin fun of this baby needa stop he is sooo cute congrats christina..!!!

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