Christina Aguilera’s Hidden Baby Is The Worst Kept Secret Ever

October 24th, 2007 // 8 Comments

Seriously, this new trend is getting to me. Just say it already. What’s the big deal. The goddamn kid is crowning! I just slipped in your broken water. There’s practically placenta to be had! Christina Aguilera’s friends threw her a baby shower for the baby we’re not supposed to know about. And word is that she’s going to name the kid after her hubbie, record executive Jordan Bratman. Do they call their car the “Bratmobile”? I hope so. I would.

The singer’s family and friends threw a private baby shower on October 20 in Malibu. Though the mom-to-be has remained mum about her pregnancy, an insider reveals that Christina wants to name the baby after her husband, record label executive Jordan Bratman. “She rubs her baby bump and talks to the baby, calling it Jordy,” says the insider.

Xtina wears A LOT of makeup. Will the baby come out with a full face on? Does Jordan ever ask her “do I actually know what you look like?” For all he knows, the real Christina could have been done away with aeons ago and he’s been tangling with some ambitious transsexual. Seriously, that’s a makeup mask she’s got on. What does her pillow look like? Please let the baby be fresh-faced.

Photos: WENN

By J. Harvey

  1. rootabega

    OMG tears are streaming!!!!

  2. Bird

    “There’s practically placenta to be had!”

    J. Harvey is my hero.

  3. RumersElephantFace

    Why do you or anyone else feel entitled to a formal announcement of (insert name here) pregnancy? Seriously… I’d like to know. Are you her mama? It’s their personal business, not yours or mine.
    That said, I’m glad JH wrote this instead of LT so it’s not full of thinly veiled jealousy and hatin’…. just nosiness and funny good-natured snark.

  4. Arwen

    I don’t get why the world should need a formal announcement. She’s pregnant – it’s clear enough. It’s not like she’s avoiding the public eye or wearing tents to disguise it.

  5. emma

    Its is obvious she is pregnant, she doesn’t need to say it. If you shave all your hair off do you need to announce it, no it is pretty damn obvious.

  6. Applespice

    I think the ‘bratmobile’ would be awesome.

  7. jane_smith

    Whahahahhahah! Funniest thing I’ve read all day. She does go WAY overboard with the makeup. Sad too, cause she looks great with much less!



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