Charlize Theron Wants Bastards

May 16th, 2008 // 11 Comments

F*ck convention, Charlize Theron wants kids and doesn’t need a ring on her finger to facilitate it. Well, that will spare them Mommy and Daddy splitting up eventually. Hey, don’t hate on me, about .25 of these Hollywood marriages lasts. I’m not a math major and I totally made that number up, but you what I mean. Why do celebrities even bother?

Charlize told W magazine her plans.

“I always knew that I didn’t want to get married,” Theron, 32, says. But she adds, “I’ve always known that I’d be a mom from the time I was a little girl.”

Charlize cracked my ass up with the following. When asked about her seven-year relationship with actor Stuart Townsend, she emitted a “cavewoman grunt” and said:

“Man, woman. Like to touch each other.” Heh. Way to be a man about it. She’s subverting it all!

Charlize also says that she doesn’t understand why people give her shit about disguising her beauty in all her roles. They do? Who are these people?

“Look, I get it,” she says. “Monster was a transformation…[But] North Country was dirt. That’s what happens when you go into a mine. In the Valley of Elah–that’s when I took real offense, because that was just my real hair color and me with no makeup.”

Charlize would probaby have to insert her face into a weed whacker to conquer her beauty, so I don’t think she has anything to worry about. Except her kids asking her why they don’t have married parents like the other tykes.

More from Charlize Theron’s photo shoot for W Magazine after the jump.

By J. Harvey
  1. Sterilize her STAT!

    I am sick to death of selfish, ignorant women who believe that children do not need fathers.

    Guess what, you dumb ass bitches, THEY DO!

    And no, a mommy is a mommy. A daddy is a daddy. A mommy can NOT be both a mommy and a daddy. Even if she wears a strap on.

  2. Laura

    That’s just great, SterilizeHerSTAT. I can’t wait to meet your children. You sound like you have SUCH a great grasp of the kind of attitude that makes child-rearing successful!
    Actually, I think will spend my days hoping I never meet anyone you have any kind of influence over – ever – and praying that Charlize has enough children to balance out your inevitably anger-riddled and repressed (not to mention gender-biased) offspring.
    Oh, and sorry I must be a dumb-ass bitch because I encourage deviant sexual behavior and am open-minded about gender roles in an increasingly complex world. Where I come from (ie. society) that’s called “perspective” or “understanding”. Feel free to look those terms up if you’ve never heard of them before.

  3. KingOfTwat

    Let’s makeout Laura

  4. MiHay

    I would marry Stuart Towsend in a minute and give him lots of un-bastardized babies.

  5. MiHay

    I would marry Stuart Townsend in a minute and give him lots of un-bastardized babies.

  6. misc

    I so agree Laura! Sterilize her Stat, people like you scare me and are the negative side of the US.

  7. mikey

    She is very gorgeous,I was surprised to see her nice profile on a celeb dating site with hot pics and videos. It seems called ” “millionaireloves. com”", is she looking for a new ralationship, just curious.

  8. Sterilize her STAT!

    How sad that wanting the best for children is now considered to be a negative thing.

    If you were raised in a home with both a mother and a father, you will understand why children need both parents.

    If you were raised by a single parent, especially if your mother was a self-centered woman who never bothered to provide you with a father, you never will “get it.”

    This is because you are too heavily invested in protecting the erroneous notion that you were not affected by being abandoned by the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone but trust me, you were and it shows.

    I can always tell who is failing at child rearing by the level of venom in their attacks on the truth and by the personal nature of said attacks. Those who bring up my happy, healthy and well-adjusted children, for instance, or assume that I am ill educated and can not define simple words.

    However, now that you’ve chosen to take it to a personal level, I can tell you more truths.

    Once you CHOOSE to have children, you are morally obliged to be a PARENT, not a sexual deviant, not a selfish “gender neutral” brood sow, but a PARENT.

    Believe me, your selfish and neglectful parenting shows in your children. Just ask any mother or father who is doing the best for their own offspring. We see the sadness and the anger in your kids. We talk about you behind your backs and we encourage our own children to stay far away from your out of control spawn.

    I challenge you to talk to your kid’s teachers. They see it too. They know who the class bullies and the slow learners will be long before they actually meet the kids. They read your child’s records and they know that the more unstable the home life, the more unstable the child.

    If your child has been intentionally deprived of either parent, or if your child has been raised by hired help since a young age, it does show in their emotional instability.

    If you don’t want to talk to your child’s teachers, visit your local jail or prison (I’m sure you know the way) and do a little research into exactly who is incarcerated. The vast majority of them were raised by single mothers. The vast majority have never known their fathers. This is why they are angry, anti-social mutants who thrive on inflicting pain and harm on those who have not been deprived.

    This is not opinion, this is fact.

    Stable parents wish the best for your children but we also know that they will suffer lifelong harm from being raised by selfish, vain and confused mothers who believe that their children should make sacrifices for them and not vice versa.

    Now I must say good-bye because my family is off to the beach. We will have a lovely time but I know that when my husband plays ball or digs sand castles with my kids, several sad, neglected little children will wander over and cling to him because he will no doubt be one of the only fathers on the beach.

    If that doesn’t break your heart, you should also have your tubes tied as soon as possible.

    I’ll even pitch in some bucks for the operation.

  9. Laura

    “If you were raised in a home with both a mother and a father, you will understand why children need both parents.”
    – I WAS raised by both a father and a mother. That’s why I know it isn’t always perfect.

    “If you were raised by a single parent, especially if your mother was a self-centered woman who never bothered to provide you with a father, you never will “get it.”"
    -Self-centered woman who never ‘bothered’ to provide me with a father? What if a woman’s husband dies, beats her, or leaves her? Is she supposed to go and get herself a new man at the grocery store simply to provide some testosterone? The notion that 1 mother+ 1 father = a perfect family is absolutely ridiculous.
    There is no perfect recipe for childrearing (or love, for that matter) as the following list proves:

    Some famous people raised by both a mother and a father: Adolf Hitler, Mussolini, John Wayne Gacy, Jr. (Serial killer and pedofile), Herbert Mullin (serial killer), Ed Gein (murdered people and mutilated the corpses), Jeffrey Dahmer (horrible, deranged serial killer, necrophiliac and cannibal), Richard Ramirez (serial killer nicknamed “The Night Stalker”), Ted Kaczynski (The Unabomber), Mark David Chapman (John Lennon’s assassin), Nathuram Godse (Ghandi’s assassin), Özgür Dengiz (serial killer and cannibal).

    Some famous people raised by a single parent or equally unconventional family structure: Ray Charles, Audrey Hepburn, Winston Churchill, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, John Lennon, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Leo Tolstoy, Nelson Mandela, Chris Gardner (the man on whose story the film “The Pursuit of Happyness” was based),

    Obviously some single parents raise troubled children and some two-parent families succeed, but these examples prove that simply adhering to a family pattern in no way guarantee success in child rearing. Life isn’t a formula in which happy trips to the beach with two differently-gendered parents ensures a perfect and happy result.

    “This is because you are too heavily invested in protecting the erroneous notion that you were not affected by being abandoned by the person who is supposed to love you more than anyone but trust me, you were and it shows.”
    – I wasn’t abandoned. Ever.

    “I can always tell who is failing at child rearing by the level of venom in their attacks on the truth and by the personal nature of said attacks. Those who bring up my happy, healthy and well-adjusted children, for instance, or assume that I am ill educated and can not define simple words.”
    – I implied that you could not define those words because you do not exhibit any understanding of them- not because you seem ill-educated or ignorant.

    “Once you CHOOSE to have children, you are morally obliged to be a PARENT, not a sexual deviant, not a selfish “gender neutral” brood sow, but a PARENT.”
    – If I’m a selfless, ovetly-gendered, non-porcine parent with only one child (which I presume is what you meant when you said I shouldn’t have a “brood”), is that acceptable? Also, what exactly do you say about people who are raped and give birth? Any particular comment? I personally know people in this situation.

    “Believe me, your selfish and neglectful parenting shows in your children. Just ask any mother or father who is doing the best for their own offspring. We see the sadness and the anger in your kids. We talk about you behind your backs and we encourage our own children to stay far away from your out of control spawn.”
    – Wrong again.

    “I challenge you to talk to your kid’s teachers. They see it too. They know who the class bullies and the slow learners will be long before they actually meet the kids. They read your child’s records and they know that the more unstable the home life, the more unstable the child.”
    – Often true.

    “If your child has been intentionally deprived of either parent, or if your child has been raised by hired help since a young age, it does show in their emotional instability.”
    -Can be true.

    “Now I must say good-bye because my family is off to the beach. We will have a lovely time but I know that when my husband plays ball or digs sand castles with my kids, several sad, neglected little children will wander over and cling to him because he will no doubt be one of the only fathers on the beach.”
    – Here we are! I see it now. You are vainly and irrationally proud of having a husband under your control. Thanks for showing me why you’re so vindictive against one-parent families! It helps to explain your comments. Well, enjoy him. He’s obviously your most treasured possession.

    -I’m not ignorant of the statistics regarding criminal histories. However, the implication that people end up in prison due almost solely to the number – or gender – of their parents is ludicrous. Even ignoring typically-cited factors such as socioeconomic status, mental conditions, childhood traumas not associated with their parents, abuse from people other than their parents, substance abuse, media representations of violence and conflict resolution, school conditions, the pompous and judgmental attitudes of parents who feel that they know exactly how everyone else should behave, religious fanaticism and other causes of criminal pathology, there are so many underlying issues that will likely never be resolved or discovered.

    “I’ll even pitch in some bucks for the operation.”
    – Forced sterilization is such a great idea, too! Just like when society used to abuse women, foreigners, and anyone who didn’t own property… oh, right. I seem to remember that was a BAD thing.
    If that doesn’t break your heart, you should probably have your children moved into a foster home. I’ll chip in a few bucks for their transportation.

    You may be proud of your parenting and convinced that you’re doing the right thing, but it doesn’t mean that you understand what others are going through, or able to know what would be best for them. You might want to try giving your advice in a less arrogant, pompous and judgmental manner- it might get you further.
    Good luck with that.

  10. SweetSoprano

    First of all, Sterilize Her or whatever the hell your utterly distasteful name is…scroll back to the top of the page and re-read this article again. NO WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT CHARLIZE THERON WANTS TO HAVE CHILDREN WITHOUT A FATHER! She simply said that she doesn’t need to be wearing a wedding ring to have a child. So before you open your mouth, THINK!

    P.S. Your husband is probably cheating on you!

    And don’t respond to my comment, you’ve already given me a headache.

    Oh and Laura, you sound like an amazing, strong, thought-provoking woman that is not stuck in the 1950s. Good for you!

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