Charlize Theron Wants Bastards

F*ck convention, Charlize Theron wants kids and doesn’t need a ring on her finger to facilitate it. Well, that will spare them Mommy and Daddy splitting up eventually. Hey, don’t hate on me, about .25 of these Hollywood marriages lasts. I’m not a math major and I totally made that number up, but you what I mean. Why do celebrities even bother?

Charlize told W magazine her plans.

“I always knew that I didn’t want to get married,” Theron, 32, says. But she adds, “I’ve always known that I’d be a mom from the time I was a little girl.”

Charlize cracked my ass up with the following. When asked about her seven-year relationship with actor Stuart Townsend, she emitted a “cavewoman grunt” and said:

“Man, woman. Like to touch each other.” Heh. Way to be a man about it. She’s subverting it all!

Charlize also says that she doesn’t understand why people give her shit about disguising her beauty in all her roles. They do? Who are these people?

“Look, I get it,” she says. “Monster was a transformation…[But] North Country was dirt. That’s what happens when you go into a mine. In the Valley of Elah–that’s when I took real offense, because that was just my real hair color and me with no makeup.”

Charlize would probaby have to insert her face into a weed whacker to conquer her beauty, so I don’t think she has anything to worry about. Except her kids asking her why they don’t have married parents like the other tykes.

More from Charlize Theron’s photo shoot for W Magazine after the jump.