Charles Townsend Becomes CEO of Conde Nast!

Congratulations Charlie! I had no idea you would be interested in this line of work?

First on his list of things to do at Conde Nast. What he likes to refer as the Graydon Carter issue. He’s only going to allow employees of Conde Nast to enjoy candy cigarettes. If Mr. Carter can’t follow this new rule, he’s going to subject Mr. Carter to view hours and hours of Tina Brown’s MSNBC show.

Secondly, he’s thinking of replacing Anna Wintour with Shelly Hack. Charlie has always preferred blondes.

Third, and possibly most importantly. He’s been slipping subtle hints to the fashion editors for them to include Jaclyn Smith’s line in featured layouts. According to Mr. Townsend (heard only on speaker phone of course), “He wants to bring a little bit of Des Moines, Iowa to New York City” and “It’s what every woman in America should be wearing.”

Good luck Charlie.

Tags: Media