There Is No Way In Hell Cate Blanchett Had A Kid One Month Ago

Seriously. How did Cate Blanchett have one-month-old Ignatius? By magic? Is there a surrogate we don’t know about? Bitch shot out the kid and ran her impossibly glamorous ass to the red carpet. She is on a whirlwind tour supporting the Indiana Jones movie. She plays the flick’s villain, a psychic Russian agent named Spalko. After being present for the Cannes premiere, she jetted over to Sydney, Australia for THEIR premiere. Damn! All that traveling is making me tired, and I’m a fat bitch on a couch!

“I feel 65 at the moment,” Blanchett laughed when asked about all the traveling she’s doing lately.

Blanchett reportedly plans to settle down after this and devote her efforts to the Sydney Theatre Company. Cate is co-director, along with husband Andrew Upton. Cate has been doing films for ten years straight and plans to use her time with the theatre company as a break.

She might also be doing press in the winter for her next flick, The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons, though. The David Fincher flick starring Cate, Tilda Swinton and Brad Pitt drops at Christmas time and people are already talking about its Oscar worthiness. I think a film starring both Cate Blanchett and Tilda Swinton might cause me to grip my pearls and call for smelling salts.

Jesus Christ, can she help with my gout and straighten out the Tower of Pisa while she’s at it? Bitch is Superman! You know she probably sold her soul to the devil for her looks, talent, dress sense and unlimited energy. This all feels very Faustian to me.

Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline

More photos of Cate Blanchett at the premiere of the Indy movie in Australia are after the jump.

Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline