Cash Warren Didn’t Marry Jessica Alba For Her Cooking

But because it costs less than child support. Kidding, kidding. It was because she’s hot.

The couple ate out for her birthday dinner last night, like they probably do most nights judging by the little ladies skills in the kitchen. On Tuesday Jessica Alba tried to make herself some fish sticks in her room at the Smyth Hotel in New York, but she couldn’t figure out how to use the oven.

A source at the hotel told the New York Post “She ended up almost causing a fire in her room. Fire alarms ended up going off throughout the hotel. The smoke was so bad that fire trucks had to come. The other guests in the hotel were pretty pissed.”
I would be pissed too if some never-cooked-for-herself starlet put a box in the oven and interrupted my sexy time. I don’t go to hotels to make Gordon’s.

To remind him what she’s good at, or because she was a excited after feeling up Kate Hudson, she gave Cash Warren a chode-worthy good-bye before heading into Avenue for The Killer Inside Me premiere after-party.

“When the car door opened, she sat on his lap making out with him for a minute in front of paparazzi and fans,” says a spy. “She only stopped when a friend pried her away.” Not to friends: if I’m making out with my husband don’t pry me away or I’ll hit you with a fish stick.